The Wall
by supposed rockstar
Summary: When Jude’s world begins to become unglued, the only thing left is the man that began it all.
1. Cornered

_**The Wall**_

As always... I don't own/know/determine destiny for anything Instant Star related. This is all wishful thinking. :) As for the story, it's something that's been simmering in my head. As a "warning" (of sorts): if things look jumbled at times, it's jumbled for a reason. And yeah... this is what happens when someone far from the IS demographic is obsessed with a teen show.

Rated: PG-13

Summary: When Jude's world begins to become unglued, the only thing left is the man that began it all.

Chapter 1 / Cornered

_How did things get so complicated so fast? _Jude thought to herself. She pushed her fingers thru her red hair as she searched around her feet for the pen she was just writing with. It had only been a week after her 17th birthday and, save for the party being yet another publicity carnival, everything else was the same – screwed. The past year had been a whirlwind of emotions, tours, and boys. Shay had tried to return to her life but she figured it best that she let that die. Tommy was Tommy. Him and Sadie traveled across Europe together and returned looking happy but later broke up over "conflicting interests". They both avoided each other and wouldn't tell her anything. She'd even tried the whole Jaime thing but realized quickly that he was her friend for a reason and that their hook up was a rebound. They ended on good terms but Kat hated her. Then Jaime went back with Kat and wasn't around as much. Her mother and father divorced and he married Yvette. Victoria began dating some pseudo-jet setter from Quebec. And then there was Jude, alone.

Jude shook her head, praying it would knock every insanity-ridden thought from her mind. All she felt was dizziness. She picked up her guitar and tried strumming out a hook for a song she'd been working on for three weeks. It wasn't working and she was becoming frustrated. _Come on now, Jude. You can do this. It's easy. Write what you know and feel. Come on. _After a few more failed attempts at getting the song done, she knew it just wasn't happening. She put her guitar away and grabbed her bag, heading outside of G Major. _A walk will do me good. Clear my head some._

It was getting on in the evening, eight something, and everyone but she and Georgia had left for the day. Even Tommy had left. She sighed at the thought of him. _Tommy..._ Again, she shook her head. Things between the two of them had grown tense after he's returned from Europe. She caught him staring at her more times than she could remember and all the pep talks and hugs before shows seemed more personal. Then again, that was it. There were no slights of hand and no "touches for no reason". There were no declarations of any type that would give her some clue as to what was brewing in the mind of the infamous Tom Quincy.

Jude pushed her way out of G Major's doors wearily, making her way down to the lower lying streets. She loved taking the back ways at dusk because it meant she could be completely encapsulated in its silence. She craved silence these days. It seemed that every move she made, every word she said, every cup of coffee she wolfed down in order to stay awake was being monitored and scrutinized. "Instant Star, Jude Harrison Addicted to Caffeine!" She snorted a small laugh and followed the same sidewalk path she'd been taking for the past 7 months. She counted her steps every time. It eased her mind to do something so idle.

As always, Jude found herself at the local coffee shop jonesing for a latte. It would be the same thing. She'd order her large skim latte with double espresso and would sweeten it beyond recognition with raw sugar. She'd sit in the farthest corner booth and mull things over while comparing the lines in her hands. _For my life to be so chopped and screwed, this is getting too damned predictable. _

She walked in, ordered, and waited. She stared at her faded black Converse and contemplated getting a new pair. She toyed with her rings and hair. She looked so nervous to be so numb. The door chimes jingling knocked her out of her anxious reverie. She didn't look up but rather looked at the person's shoes. She knew those shoes.

"Jude!" The rugged voice boomed within the small confines of the shop.

"Tommy! Hey... what are you doing here?" She instantly went to straightening up her clothes and hair.

"Was in the mood for espresso. But it's a good thing I ran into you. I didn't really want to chill alone." She pulled at the ends of her hair.

"Well... go ahead and order. Mine's up. I'll be in the back." He smiled a smile only Tommy could. She smiled back sheepishly as her insides melted into a puddle of nothing. _Oh, why did he have to show up? _She sighed. _At least it's just Tommy..._

* * *

Tommy watched Jude as she quickly disappeared into the back of the café. He'd waited outside for nearly an hour hoping she'd show up. He was just about to give up hope of catching her when he saw her walking towards him. He'd jumped behind a telephone box so she wouldn't notice him. He'd felt silly hiding but at the same time felt like a stalker for waiting for her. He had to talk to her. Things between them weren't what they were and he wanted to make everything right. She always looked so hurt and defeated when he was around, like he'd killed her dog, resurrected it, then killed it again. It killed him seeing her like that.

He grabbed his coffee and thanked the server graciously, hurrying to get back to Jude. He came up to her, but she didn't notice. She gripped onto the oversized white cup tightly, staring into the murky depths of her drink. _Her face is so blank. _He fought the overwhelming urge to grab her and squeeze her into him, taking away all that troubled her and putting it on his shoulders.

"Hey, girl..." She looked up at him, dazed.

"Hey." She nodded at the bench across from her. "Go ahead. Sit down."

"Oh... yeah... yeah." He sat and slouched down in the booth. She'd turned her head and was peering out of the window, staring into the nothingness. "Jude? We need to talk."

"What about?" She turned and stared directly at him. His heart gave a small flutter before stopping for a moment. _Why does she have to look at me that way? _Her eyes were wide as they danced around his face, the green-greyness looking darker than usual. Her lips were parted slightly as if she was anticipating his every word.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for being so far in my head these days. When Sadie and I got back, things were just... STRANGE. I mean, I know she's your sister and I'm only your producer so... I don't know. I'm sorry, Jude." She took a long drink from her latte, drinking in his words.

"It's ok, Tommy. Everyone seems to have stuff going on these days."

"How have you been?"

"You know me. Same ol', I guess." She sighed softly as he tilted his head to catch the emotion she was emitting. Everything about her in that moment was so far from what he knew her as and it was grabbing a hold of him. He wanted her to talk, wanted her to spill out everything that was wrong.

"Is that it?" He turned his head so he could look directly at her. "Nothing else?" Again, she sighed.

"Everything is kind of messed up for me right now. It's like I can't get ahead for falling farther behind. I've been working on a song for three week and NOTHING. I can't even get my fingers to play the chords right. The idea is in my head, but not the words or music. And then there is home. I haven't seen my dad in ages. Mom's always on 'dates' with Michael, and Sadie. What can we say about her? She won't even look at me let alone talk to me. I really don't get what I've done but since she's gone mute, I may never know. Jaime and Kat are twisted up in each other and... I'm alone."

"I'm here." She leaned back lethargically, and rolled her head to the side. She stared into space, slightly shaking her head.

"You're kinda there. Sort of. Sometimes." He placed his hand on top of hers, stroking the side with his thumb.

"I really am sorry, Jude."

"Don't worry about me, Tommy. I'm good."


	2. Equalizer

Chapter 2 / Equalizer

Jude sat in Studio A trying, once again, to finish her song. Things were a bit easier after her meeting with Tommy but not by much. She'd replayed the entire scene over and over in her head because something just didn't make sense to her, didn't sit right. How did he find her? She rationalized that it wasn't the most secluded place in the world, but for the most part, business was minimal. Why did he apologize? She wanted to make it seem like some grand scheme to say he cared about her in more ways than she knew, but she knew he was just covering his ass. You couldn't have the protégé mad at the producer, now could you?

Tommy sauntered into the studio and plopped himself silently into one of the overstuffed chairs directly in front of Jude. She noticed him but made no attempt to talk with him. She absentmindedly played while softly singing what she'd written. _This is maddening. First the song, now Tommy. God, why does this all seem so damned hard? _Something took over her fingers and mind as she sang, words of honesty pouring out from every direction. She went on, realizing she's just finished the song when she wasn't trying.

"Amazing." She looked at him for the first time since he'd walked in ten minutes earlier. He gazed at her dreamily, wrapped up in the last echoes of her music. "And this is the song you said you couldn't write? Sounds damn good to me." A light pink blush crept up on the edges of her cheeks. She half smiled, mentally soaking up his praise.

"It just... came to me... when you walked in." She ran her fingers thru her hair. "I can't explain it." His face turned into a cocky grin that made his eyes twinkle.

"It's because of me." She laughed deeply, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

"You? Ha! I think it's because of the 3 long weeks I've put into it." He conceded, shrugging his shoulders and throwing his hands into the air.

"Whatever you say, girl, but you know it's because of me." She looked at him, arrogance on full display, all the charm in the world presented in the form of one man. For the moment to be so light, she felt wretched. Nothing more did she want than to join him in that chair right then and show him what she felt, what the song was about. Fear held her to her seat while insecurity killed all resistance against the fear. Vicious, vicious cycle.

* * *

He propped his cheek against his fist, catching her looking at him intently. The song played just moments earlier reverberated through his mind. He'd long ago given up the notion of figuring out whether or not the songs she wrote were about him or not, but this one stuck out. The words came through effortlessly, the emotion raw and dangerous. _It has to be about us... _ He wanted to ask, needed to ask. His better judgment screamed at him to leave it alone. His heart would die if he didn't.

"Was that about me?" She looked at him incredulously.

"You are the most arrogant bastard I've ever met." She jumped up from her stool, knocking it backwards. She headed for the door, but his hand caught her wrist as she tried to side-swipe his chair. "Let go of me, Quincy." He looked up at her tenderly, every shade of confusion residing in the depths of her eyes.

"You don't know how much I want to know." She rolled her eyes, yanking her wrist out of his grip, the force sending her to the floor.

"Why does it matter who it's about?"

"It matters to me." He got up and stood above her, extending his hand. She looked at it, standing up on her own. She looked at him dead on, sending daggers through him as she tried to step past him. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. She gasped loudly, his chest brushing against hers. "Please, Jude... Please..." His hand went to her cheek instinctively, caressing its porcelain softness.

"Yes," she whispered. "It's about you." His stomach churned while his heart rate sped up exponentially. He looked deeply into her eyes knowing that everything, at that instant, was right. He bent and kissed her passionately, feeling her body relax against his. He soon pulled away as quickly as it started.

"J-Jude... I..." Reality was sinking in and he had to find a way to explain what had just happened. _Dammit, Quincy! There you go again. She's 17! This can't - _

"Tommy," her trembling voice pierced through every rational thought he could find. "Don't take it back... Please..." His soul shattered into a thousand shards of glass, slicing up his insides. His mind went back to her Sweet 16 and all that he wished he could undo. And so, she stood before him the exact same girl, a year later, in the exact same situation.

"I won't." He kissed her again, this time softly. "Never again."


	3. Monsoon

Chapter 3 / Monsoon

Jude left G Major as confused as when she'd gone in. Over the growing months, she'd resolved to know that she and Tommy wouldn't happen, that her 16th birthday was far less than the worst thing she could conjure up in her head. It happened; he took it back. They had their torrent moment and parted ways on many levels. Between her tour and his vacation, they only seemed to talk when one or the other crossed some sort of border. After an eternal six weeks came to an end, everything felt worse than before. Tommy was never in the studio; Jude spent nights in front of a microphone, alone. Tommy backed away; Jude clamored for any glimmer of something. Hot and cold, good and bad, everything turned into a game of polar opposition.

_Why did he kiss me? Was it for real this time? _Jude tried to push all questions aside and keep things at face value. _I won't, _he said. _Never again. _Her head spun violently trying to grasp the concepts brought to her already messy table. She walked in the cold, finally overcome by everything. She backed up against the nearest wall and collapsed to her knees. Sobs wracked her body for the first time in what felt like forever. Turning 17 had done that to her – desensitization – but this was far too much for even the most jaded to handle. _How DO I handle this? _Soon enough, she sniffed back her last tear and wiped her face down with her jean jacket sleeve. She brought herself to her feet and willed herself to continue her journey home. She never walked like this, but she didn't care this evening. The walk would do her good.

She finally made her way home and found Sadie sitting alone in the living room watching some nameless television program. Sadie looked over at her, raised an eyebrow, and returned to her viewing.

"Sadie," Jude trudged towards the couch and sat next to her sister. Too many questions and too much tension had been plaguing the household since their returns home. Jude knew it was now or never to get to the bottom of this and she doubted she could last never knowing anything. "Sadie?"

"What?" Her razor sharp tone caused Jude to jump a little.

"Why did you and Tommy break up?" She laughed and turned to stare at Jude.

"Naivety was always your forte, sis." Jude rubbed her temples, asking for some miraculous headache relief. _It was always a fight, wasn't it? _

"Right. I really don't need this. Will you tell me or no?" Sadie shook her head and half-smiled, half-sneered at Jude. She looked down at her nails, examining her fresh manicure.

"If you must know, it was over you." Jude couldn't help but laugh herself. It was ridiculous. It was illogical. It made absolutely no sense.

"Seriously, now..." Sadie's eyes squinted and she leaned in closer to Jude's face. Redness was already beginning to spread over her face and ears, her breathing coming in long, angry pants.

"I couldn't write this if I wanted to. The beginning of the trip was great. Romantic, exciting, everything a girl could want to happen on a trip with a guy she thought was her boyfriend." Jude winced slightly at 'boyfriend'; Sadie continued on, unnoticing. "But after about a week, maybe week and a half? Things began to slowly change. Tommy was growing distant, but I chalked it up to him being him, moody and all. Around the fourth week, I was growing tired of the charade. Finally, I called him on it. 'Forget it,' I said. 'I have to know what's up.' The entire argument he's sitting there, staring down at his opened cell phone. I grab it expecting something lame like he's playing a game or messaging someone or anything other than what I saw. He's sitting there, staring at your picture; some still he took of you looking at your CD. He apologized; I said for us to drop it. And there you have it."

She couldn't believe it and she didn't want to; Sadie had to be lying. _She just wants someone to blame but... _Everything came cascading down on her at once. Sadie's anger, Tommy's distance, it was all put into a semblance of perspective but oh how skewed it was.

"I... I never knew..." Sadie stared blankly at the TV, disregarding all rebuttals.

"How could you, Jude?" She hissed. "Whatever, have your publicity stunt. Leave me alone." Jude stood to leave, giving once last look at her sister. How could she think she did this? Better yet, do it on purpose? Tommy chose who he wanted to go off with. Sadie couldn't honestly think it was an intentional ploy or something she planned on. She could admit she'd wished it but not at the expense she would pay. Sadie wasn't her biggest fan, but she was her sister.

She wanted to run. She wanted to get as far away from her house as possible. Things were too complicated to take in, too heavy to comprehend and it clung to her lungs killing all capacity for breathing let alone rationalism. Everything was spinning so far out of control. She dug through her pockets finally finding her cell phone and dialed her only reckoning.


	4. Consummation

Chapter 4 / Consummation

"I don't care where we go or what we do or if we ever make it back... just drive." His hands gripped the steering wheel of his trusty Viper severely as he sped away from the Harrison home. To say he was shocked to see Jude call him so soon after their moment in the studio would have been a gross understatement, but it was the super-fast talking and her gasping for breath that alarmed him. She said nothing beyond a few sentences that were jumbled beyond coherence and her asking him if he'd pick her up. He made it to her place in a record-breaking 12 minutes and she hopped in with her cell phone in one hand and an oversized green bag in the other.

"She told me, Tommy." He stole a glance at her, her pale face in complete contrast with her darkened eyes and wild looking hair. He was struck with a certain pain deep within his rib cage. _She looks so far gone. How do I fix this? Fix it? You caused it, Quincy._

"Who told you what?" He spoke to her in hushed raspy words, fearing he would jar something inside of her.

"Sadie." His breath caught violently in his throat. He now understood why she was how she was. "She told me why you two broke up."

"And what did she say?" She leaned and rested her head against the door, choking back the anxiety toying with her.

"It was all because of me." Her earlier tears now returned with a new fervency. She hid her face in the crook of her elbow, her shoulders shuddering. "I didn't want to hurt her, Tommy. I wanted you so much... I prayed for it so hard. I knew it wouldn't happen but I couldn't help myself and... and... I did all this. It's all so screwed up. Where did the magic go?" Tommy pulled over on the side of the highway and pulled Jude into him. She clung to him as if it were a matter of life and death.

"I made my choices, Jude, and while you were the deciding factor in what path I was going to go down, it was my own personal decisions that hurt Sadie. None of this is your fault."

"That's good to know, but it's all riding on what she thinks and she thinks I poisoned you against her." He hugged her into him tightly, stroking the back of her hair. He rested his chin against the top of head, taking her in.

"Forget about her, Jude."

"I can't."

"You have to. There isn't anything either one of can do to help her." He pulled her away from him. Her features were a running mess of eyeliner and saline. He lightly brushed along the curves of her face while she just stared at him. "I've made my decision. I'm not turning back now."


	5. Fleeting Flight

**_I know it seems this chapter came rather quickly after my initial story "publishing", but this chapter has killed me. I finished the first 4 in about a day. This one has taken me 3. Not my best work, but... eh. I hope you enjoy though._**

Chapter 5 / Fleeting Flight

It was a blue dawn.

They laid tangled up in each other, thighs mingling and melting into a knotted web of abandonment. His leather-clad forearm was wrapped tightly around her; his hand tucked neatly beneath the back of her t-shirt. She slept somberly, breathing cool and body relaxed from previous stresses. He'd awaken at some point to find her nestled into his chest. The warmth of her next to him, sharing the same space he existed, comforted him. Watching her sleep he knew that, though things had progressed rapidly from coffee house to studio to the four hour drive he drove down the desolate highway at 2 am, things were right. He wasn't oblivious to potential consequences, but he didn't care. Nothing short of a war between heaven and hell would ruin this time for them.

"God, I need you Jude," Tommy whispered into the side of her neck. She stirred at his words, startling him. She settled closer against him. He ran his hand along the length of her arm, savoring its softness. _So long... Too long... _

The sun was peeking through the edges of the sheer curtains of their sparse hotel room. He'd found the place by accident when he'd turned off of the freeway to stop at a service station. The scarcity of cars and its quaint façade appealed to him. No one would look for them there. He wanted as much "alone time" as he could get. There was plenty of time for record companies, paparazzi, and craziness later. This would be their morning of lazy sleep and putting things on the line. He would tell her how he felt; tell her what had gone through his mind the past year; explain everything that surged through him every day since he'd given her a peek at his feelings.

He gave her a final gazing and kissed her cheek. _I'll kiss you forever..._ He rested against her shoulder, falling asleep just as he'd gotten up.

* * *

"Did it hurt Tommy? Did some part of you die when you made me promise our moment didn't happen? It's always 'forget it's' and 'I'm sorry's' with you. I don't think you know how badly you hurt me. And suddenly, I'm 17 and things are different and you promise me something you've already taken away." She looked at him expectantly, hoping he'd give answers for the previous day. Her night had been restless. Dreams floated to her in various stages of consciousness. The nagging thought remained, thought – he just "came back". Coffee shop, studio, and then picking her up when Sadie proved too much. Had the confusion been slightly less, she would have been happy. Happy to know that Tommy kissed her and didn't take it back. Happy to think that he'd come around and really wanted her. Happy to wake up next up to him a millions miles from the drama. She wasn't happy. She was angry and bitter and wanted answers.

"Jude..."

"Let me finish." He nodded at her silently. "Because, you see... It wasn't the fact that you wanted to pretend that you didn't kiss me and that nothing happened and that everything was strictly what it was before that hurt so much, it was when you did it. But it's different now, right? I just wish I knew what changed. Why now?" They'd been in a moment of complete silence driving down yet another lonely stretch of asphalt when she felt she had to know. Confusion weighed heavily on her shoulders and she knew she would explode into six million pieces if she didn't say what was on her mind at that moment. Tommy sighed heavily, gripping his steering wheel tighter. His left hand gripped the back of his neck as he stretched. He opened his mouth to speak but reconsidered. "Tell me something..." He exhaled loudly, his eyes never diverting from the road.

"It did hurt me, Jude. I hurt you so badly; I knew it then just as I know it now. It tore me up. But I had to push it down, resist. Sometimes it took every ounce of willpower I had not to grab you and not let go, to kiss you and damn whoever saw me. I had to distance myself. Sadly, that's one of the reasons I dated Sadie. Sure, she's a nice girl, pretty, you know." Jude gritted her teeth violently.

"Yeah... I know."

"She wasn't you, though. She didn't make me feel alive like you do. She didn't make me feel like I was burning. She didn't make me feel. YOU... You make me feel." He placed his hand upon her knee, caressing the softness of her thigh. She placed her hand on top of his.

"You still haven't told me what's so different now. I'm still illegal. You're still my producer. Why was sixteen bad but not seventeen?"

"Nothing's changed, Jude." She looked at him in disbelief. A stain of hostility was bleeding thru in the pit of her stomach.

"Are you sitting here telling me that it's all the same? Maybe I'm lacking in comprehension skills, but I really need this spelled out right now."

"Nothing's changed. Yes, you're still illegal and I'm still the producer, but there comes a time when enough is enough and you crack. I've cracked." She snorted in contempt.

"You could have saved a hell of a lot of trouble for the both of us if you'd just been honest in the beginning, Quincy."

"I couldn't. Not then. It wasn't the right time for us."

"For you, you mean... right?" She pushed his hand off of her thigh. He was infuriating in the beginning and always would be. _It's always about him. Hide under your "us" pretense, but I know. _She wanted to scream and tell him to go to hell. He turned and looked at her, his eyes deep and pleading.

"No, for us. Everything that I ever wanted to do was for us. I've made a lot of stupid mistakes this year and I apologize with everything I have to apologize with, but I'm tired of the being the fool." His voice lowered and turned soft. "I want you, girl and that's the only thing I can think about."


	6. Lost

Chapter 6 / Lost

"Yeah, Kwest man. I was just talking to Georgia. Yeah... yeah... I heard she was missing. Yeah... Georgia said no one's seen her since late last night. Yeah... Uh huh..." Tommy stomped his foot from impatience as he leaned back against the hood of his car. He ran his hand thru his mussed brown hair. _Shut already!_

"You don't seem very concerned there, man. You and her have a falling out?"

"No. Nothing like that." He was growing tired of the inquisition. Georgia had called him frantic, something completely out of character for her. She gave him the story and told him everyone was worried about her; even mentioned that they may call the cops if she didn't show soon. Tommy convinced her it was just a Jude thing and that she'd show up when she felt it was right. Georgia, persistence was her virtue of choice. She pressed the issue until Tommy had to cut her off with a lie about some plans he needed to attend to.

"You know where she is, huh?" Kwest's accusation startled him back into reality. He choked on his own air.

"What?"

"It's completely off the record, Quincy. I know you well enough to tell when you have information." Tommy laughed nervously.

"Yeah, I know."

"She's with you." Tommy gritted his teeth and pounded his fist against the Viper.

"Yeah."

"I knew it! Haha... Man, you're-"

"Listen, you can't say anything."

"Where are you two?"

"That doesn't matter. She just needed to get away. I picked her up last night and we just... _went_. And before you say it, I know it's crazy and she probably should tell people where she is, but she'll do it when she's ready. Right now," He sighed deeply into his cell. He scanned the open space around him, taking the fresh air deep within his lungs. "I think she's losing it. Or lost it. Or something. I'm worried about her."

"I won't say anything. You know that. But make sure she calls her mom at least. People on this end are trippin'. I'll think of something to tell Georgia. And Tommy?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Be careful. Let's not do anything _stupid_." Tommy hung up his phone and shoved it into his jeans. _Be careful. Sure..._He looked behind him, Jude asleep in the passenger side seat. She lay splayed on the center console, the sun and wind turning her hair into a copper whirlwind around her face. She had his jacket draped over her, lost in its black confines. He tilted his head, mentally examining situations past and present; their past, present, possible future.

It was so cliché, he knew that. He also knew that he loved her in his way. It made him feel inadequate. A girl had gotten into his head, into his heart. It wasn't the same this time as it always had been. She didn't try. He had to. She would pour her heart out in a breathless notion. He had to fight to answer simple questions. She gave him feelings and thoughts and ideas no one else did and it made him wonder what he gave her, other than blows to the heart he'd broken. He was afraid of having her love him. Screw legalities and everyone around him. Her loving him would mean that he'd inevitably hurt her and he'd have to watch as she crumbled to his feet, the world burning around them. 


	7. Come Again

I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments. It really pushes me along. Thank you.

I've been pretty stuck lately even if I do have ideas for days. One thing that's been bugging me is the chapters to come. Ch. 6, 7, and 8 are all there to set a tone. No real action, but progression will be killer in terms of emotions. (_Hopefully_) But yeah... ON WITH IT!

* * *

Chapter 7 / Come Again

Another evening, another hotel, another night with _him. _Two days had made things ritualistic - drive, sleep, wake up. She savored every waking moment as if it were her last. Though their drives tended to be filled with silence, the quiet was a warm, friendly feeling. They didn't need to verbalize their understanding of one another and their situation. She enjoyed it, possibly too much.

Jude lay haphazardly on the drab double bed, leaned into Tommy. She had her arm above her, wrapped around his side, holding him as if to make sure he wouldn't go anywhere. She held her cell phone away from her ear, mind elsewhere than the futile conversation with her mother. It'd taken every bit of energy and adrenaline to make the call in the first place. She knew her mom would be pissed, but fear of her reaction had been replaced with annoyance quickly.

"JUDE HARRISON! Where the hell are you?" The usually mild-manned woman screeched into the phone. You couldn't help but visualize her face turning cherry red, eyes about to pop out of her head. "You've been gone for two days!"

"I had to get away, Mom. I need to get my head right..." The statement trailed off slightly as she contemplated what she'd just said. _Get my head right._ She had to admit that, even though the past few days had been easy and comfortable, it did absolutely nothing to rid her mind of the riddles and enigmas still buried deep within her mind.

"I want you home today." Jude expected this one so it didn't surprise her. She just sighed, thinking over the idea for a split second, shaking her head against Tommy's abdomen.

"I can't do that." Her mother huffed in disdainful shock.

"You are SEVENTEEN and what I say..."

"I'm not coming home. Not right now." Jude massaged the middle of her forehead. "I've gotta go now, Mom. I'll try and call you soon. Don't worry about me, though. I'm ok. Love you..."

"Jude..." Jude snapped both sides of her phone together, disconnecting her mother before anymore could be said and before her headache could progress any farther. She stared into the empty space of the ceiling, taking a few deep breaths to quiet her inner voices.

"Bad?" Tommy stroked her bangs along to one side. She took his hand, bringing it to her chest, hugging it tightly.

"She wants me at home. Tomorrow. I told her I couldn't." She again shook her head. "Why in God's name does she want me back?" Tommy was taken aback slightly. He gripped onto her hand, squeezing it for reassurance.

"We could go back, in the morning."

"I don't want to go back." She looked up at him, tears forming along the inner rims of her eyes. She blinked hard, swallowing the lump of emotions pooling in the back of her throat. "I may never want to go back. How sad is that?"

"It isn't, but you'll have to at some point. Listen," he moved his arm to pull her closer into him. "Let's just go back in the morning. It'll be easier for everyone that way." _Except me,_ she thought bitterly.

She traced her fingers along his forearm, remembering everything she'd run away from just days earlier. In those two days, she'd made herself not think about her parents or her sister or the fact that her and Tommy wouldn't be able to be what they were now, not in front of people at least. The latter, she realized, would be worse than the most brutal of tortures. _I will never again hide my feelings for him._ A part of her knew he was right. They could come up with something to excuse their absence now, but if it continued any longer, neither could explain how they disappeared. So many voices filtered through her mind, each screaming something different. _He isn't right! THIS is right! No, you have to go home! This is just trouble. Don't end it! If you return, you will lose him! It's different this time. Everything is different. Everything is the same! _She growled under her breath, pushing her thoughts deep within her consciousness.

"Fine, Tommy. We'll leave in the morning but promise me you're in my corner. Promise me you won't change your mind about us." He smiled softly, eyes melting into a state of dusky affection.

"I promise, Jude."

"Good." She closed her eyes, exhaling loudly. "Good."


	8. Simpatico

If you've been waiting for a chapter that will really delve into the psyches of out two protagonists, then you will love this. It will be a trip. I have to admit that this is my favorite chapter thus far and, to be honest, I got a buzz just writing it. I hope it gives you the same. Haha...

Thanks again for all the comments. :)

* * *

Chapter 8 / Simpatico

The trip home began early. The sun hadn't begun to rise, but they knew they'd better leave before it got too late into the morning. The drive would be hell on them both.

Jude chewed on her fingernails nervously. She never wanted to go home, at least not as it was, but reluctantly agreed nevertheless. She could have waited at least another day before returning and having to suffer a thousand rounds of 21 Questions. Her mom, Sadie, Georgia, EJ, and everyone else who knew of her disappearance would want to know where she went; why she went; why she never told anyone; _who_ she went with. If the mini-vacation had unchained her from any stress, it would come back ten-fold.

_How _will _I explain this? Mom is furious and will grill me until she's hoarse. I doubt Dad even cares. Sadie will begin with the accusations, screaming from every rooftop that I was with Tommy. Sure, I was, but no one has to know that. _She sighed internally at the thought. _There I go. I'm turning into Tommy. I want everyone to know but... I know, I know. I can't tell anyone. Not yet anyway. But I know Sadie. She will screw this up. My mom will believe her. She will screw this up even more. Hopefully, Dad is too busy screwing Yvette to screw me over. Maybe he'll even be on my side and tell them not to worry, to not think such things. He probably won't, though. He probably won't be there at all. Dammit..._

She pulled her finger from mouth, and looked over too Tommy. His hair blew wildly in the crisp air to spite whatever he used to get it to stay in place. His eyes were riveted to the road ahead of them. He barely blinked. She turned from him and faced the scenery passing them in a watercolor blur. A small chill ran the length of her spine. _God it's cold! _She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees.

_How am I going to handle having Tommy brought up? Yes, Jude, you lie. 'No, nothing is going on. No, he wasn't with me. No, my sister and Tommy didn't break up over me. Yes, I know I'm 17 and he's 23. Yes. Yes. No. No.' Georgia would die if she found out. EJ would tell every publicist from Toronto to Victoria that the famous BoyzAttack! headliner and G Major's top artist was an item. Kwest... who knew what he'd say? Probably give his cheeky smile and ask if it was "good". But they'd never know. I won't tell them a damn thing. I won't until I know it will be ok._

Jude bowed her head to her lap, blowing warm air into the hollow space.

_I never knew how much I needed him. Sure, we make a great team professionally and sure, even if we clash, our personalities compliment one another but... God, it goes so much farther than that. I need him like I need to breathe. If he wasn't in my life, I don't know what I'd do. I would've gone crazier by now. Or whatever else. _

_How will we be after this? How will I be able to take working with him and not stealing a kiss or say what's on my mind about us? Will my music suffer? Will we suffer? I know I will. What am I saying? How I wish I could tell everyone. I wish I could tell everyone that me and Tommy... are finally... something. But I can't. I know it and he does too but... It will be so hard to keep a straight face in the studio with him. But I have to._

_I won't tell anyone, not even Jaime or Kat. And when this finally does get out, to hell with everyone. They can all bite me. I mean... I'll feel bad for Sadie only because... I just will, but my mom? I dare her to try to say anything. I dare anyone to say anything._

Jude was already tired even though they'd only been driving a little over an hour. Her mind was racing 60 words-a-second. It made even the simple task of seeing a chore. She closed her eyes, praying sleep would take hold of her for the rest of their journey.

* * *

Tommy drove white knuckled, his insides turning every way but straight. He knew things were complicated, but he was Tom Quincy. He would prevail over everything just as he always did. He mentally corrected himself. _Jude and I will prevail._ The thought of her made him weak. He'd finally quit fighting and for once, things felt more right then they ever had. This was one decision he'd made that was and forever would be right.

The pavement seemed to stretch infinitely. There were no other cars on the road, and it made it hard for his mind to settle.

_Right, Quincy. What to tell Georgia. I guess that depends on what Kwest told her. I'll have to talk to him. I know I'll be briefed on the situation for days, asked if I talked to Jude while she was away. Then I'll have to explain why I was gone. I'll lie. I'm good at it, I know that. Dammit, man. Is that even safe to say? Whatever, though. I will only say as much as I have to and will let the rest fall on what's already been and will be said. _

Tommy switched driving styles, steering with his left hand while draping his arm over the back of Jude's seat. He stole a glance at her. She sat wound up tightly in the seat, quiet and unmoving. He wondered what she thought, wanted to compare the stories they'd tell.

_It's going to be hell when we get back in the studio. I'm a professional man, though. I can take it. But Jude... I know her. She'll be ok in the beginning but... God I hate having to do this to her. _He groaned at the thought. _Will she be able to cope knowing that we can't just do whatever when everyone is around? Will she break? Man, why are you even thinking like this? She'll be ok. You'll make it up to her. Smooth out this situation first then you two can be "comfortable". _

He ran his hands thru his hair, noticing how the moon had disappeared and the horizon was turning a brilliant swash of currants and golds. It was those early mornings that made him think of Jude the way he does. It woke him up to the fact that she was the only one who set him on fire and that he'd never be so lucky to find another girl even remotely like her. It reminded him of the same early mornings in Italy with Sadie and how they never quite measured up to the magnificence he knew when he woke up, knowing he'd go into the studio and make history with Jude.

_I have to be with her. I have to have her. I want her as mine and only mine and I never want to let go. I don't want anyone but her. Tom, do you hear yourself? I do, and I mean every word. I want her. I've never wanted anyone as much as I do her. I've never felt alive as much as I do when she's sitting next to me, guitar in hand, and she looks at me and smiles. When she's happy, I'm ecstatic. When she's upset, I die. Sure, it's wrong. I'm not stupid and I know that wanting a seventeen year old could quite possibly be grounds for commitment, but if I gave a damn, it would probably make things different but I don't anymore. _

_I know I can't tell anyone. Well, except for Kwest. I know he'll keep quiet. Georgia will have my head. Her parents will have my head. Sadie will make it a slower, more painful death. I'll play it cool like I always do when they mention us, but for now, it's going to be kept under lock and key. I can't let them destroy this. _

Tommy wished he could turn around and head back in the direction they'd come, but knew it would only screw things up. It was their judgment day and be damned the consequences.


	9. Under

My muse is buzzing and I have to write. Now, all I have to do is get to actually show that my story has been updated... bastards. LOL

2 chapters in less than 12 hours? OMFG

* * *

Chapter 9 / Under

They got into town around nine, Tommy dropping Jude off at 9:30. She made sure he parked at the corner farthest from her house as to not raise suspicions. He complied, kissing her quickly before she jumped out with her things and made her way home. She walked unsteadily along the cracked sidewalk, Tommy watching her intently as she turned and disappeared across her lawn. Seeing their time draw to a close was murder. He threw his head back against the seat, banging it on the head rest a few times. He beat his fist against the steering wheel, yelling obscenities left and right.

Wake up, drive, home alone.

He regretted his decision to come back. _Just one more night... _The cool night air felt like pin pricks against his skin. He relished in the discomfort, wishing for a cigarette and a bottle of the strongest stuff he could find. He groaned, turning the key in the ignition and peeling away 90-to-nothing. He made his way through the narrow residential streets, and soon found himself home quicker than he really wanted. He sat in front of his building, staring the worn brick façade up and down. _You'll have to go home at some point, Quincy._

He braced himself for the cold place he called home and willed himself to get out of the car and actually go inside. He made his way to the elevator and rode to the 12th floor. He shoved the heavy wrought-iron barrier open and strode dreadfully to his apartment. He slammed his door open and looked around his place. It was dark, but it still looked like hell draped over high-priced, overly trendy furniture. Take-out boxes and liquor bottles were everywhere. Ashtrays filled with old ashes and balls of crumpled paper littered the floor and end tables.

He walked directly to the only modest piece of furniture in his entire apartment – the fully stocked liquor cabinet tucked into a never bypassed corner of the room. He retrieved a coveted bottle of imported vodka from the back of his treasure chest, unscrewed the cap, and drank until it felt like his chest was melting. He finished his "shot" with a loud groan and fell back into a blue swivel chair. Anger danced on every nerve of his body. _She should be here, dammit! _His jaw clenched at the thought. He brought the bottle to his lips again, swallowing hard.

His head spun after his fourth pass at the alcohol, the contents half gone. He brought the bottle to his face and stared at the clear liquid still burning in his stomach. As much as he wanted to believe that this would calm him down, at least give him a good sleep, every tormenting thought had been magnified. He took a smaller sip, his chin quivering. Before he could talk himself out of it, he was sobbing; crying in ways he hadn't in what seemed like an eternity. He buried his hand deep within his hair, tugging until he winced.

_Get it together, Quincy! You're letting the liquor get the best of you! _He took another gulp, throwing the half empty bottle against the wall, the broken glass and vodka cascading down onto the concrete floor. _Why does this hurt like this? _He wondered about the hell she had been getting at the moment. Would it be a shouting match with her mother? With Sadie? Would she want to punk a hole in the wall as he did? Would she cry?

_Oh god... Don't cry Jude. _Another pain pierced thru his chest, his crying intensified by his inebriated state. He leaned back into the chair imagining the scenes unfolding like a cheap movie trailer. There would be her mom, screaming, while Sadie stood in the corner, smug and making accusations, while Jude stood defenseless, pleading her case. She'd start crying and no one would be there to help her. _Jude... Jude... JUDE! _He name echoed in his ears, haunting him.

Tommy closed his eyes, hoping he was wrong. His drunkenness was getting the best of him, the world spinning far too wildly. His breath came shallowly as he drifted off to sleep. _Jude..._

_

* * *

_

Jude made her way to the front door, pausing to reconsider her options. She didn't have to go home. She could go to the studio. Maybe she'd catch Georgia and could tell her what's been going down and where she went. Maybe she'd find Kwest instead and she'd tell him everything from the beginning – from her sixteenth birth all the way down to when Tommy had dropped her off. Maybe she wouldn't go to the studio and would hunt down Jaime and, she prayed, she could talk to him like the best friend he once was. Or maybe, just maybe, she could do neither. She could just walk away completely and wander aimlessly for hours until she could return home when everyone was asleep. She knew none of these were at all feasible. She had to face the music at some point and why not get it over and done with?

Jude dug thru her jean pocket for her keychain, bringing it out and sliding the key silently into the lock. She tried to open the lock in the same fashion, but the loud _click_ announced her arrival. She stepped inside the familiar house, a warm amber light enveloping her. The air felt static the way it did when her amp had just been turned on. She walked into the living room, standing uneasily in the middle of the room.

"Mom?" Her mother jumped at her voice, standing to full attention, staring at her wild eyed.

"Jude!" She ran to where Jude was and wrapped her up in tight hug. "Are you alright!"

"I'm fine, Mom." Her mother stood back from her daughter, surveying her up and down.

"Where the HELL have you been!" The bare acoustics amplified her voice, filling the room with a roar. Jude took a step back.

"I can explain..."

"Yeah, I know. 'Had to get your head right.' Do you know what you've put me through these past couple of days? Do you!"

"I'm sorry. I am. I had to get away." Jude's voice came out in a strained whisper.

"That doesn't excuse the terror I felt when I came home and you were gone." Victoria loomed over her daughter, arms dramatically flailing with every syllable. "You didn't even bother to leave a note!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I don't care if you're sorry or not!" The stairs creaked behind them, both parties turning to see what made the sound. Sadie ambled down the stairs, leaning against the railing. A slight smirk played at the corner of her lips.

"Look who finally decided to come home." Anger rose deep within Jude. Fear crept in somewhere in the middle.

"Let's not start this right now, ok?" Sadie finished her path down the stairs, and stood directly in front of her. She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head, staring directly into Jude's eyes.

"So how's Tommy?" Jude ground her teeth together, jaw aching from the pressure. Her heart rate sped up at the mere mention implication.

"He's fine... _I guess. _I don't really know." Sadie snorted to herself.

"You guess? You sure? I mean, you were with him, right?" Jude's eyes grew big. Her bottom lip trembled.

"Sadie..."

"What is she talking about, Jude?" Jude turned to look at her mother. Her features were a mismatch of bewilderment and fury.

"Tell her, Jude. Tell her how you ran off with Tommy. It's the truth isn't it?"Jude turned to look at her sister, and back at her mother.

"Jude...?" The Flood came crashing down fast and hard. She felt her knees get weak and everything wanting to go black. Her breathing was labored, the room moving out from underneath her. She backed up into the entryway's door frame before she could collapse completely. Her sister looked so pleased with herself. She hadn't been back an hour and things were already more messed up then they were before.

Jude grabbed the bag she'd thrown down, and looked through the glass panes on the door. _I should have never come home. _She backed up slowly towards the front door, fumbling to the find the handle.

"I-I've gotta g-go."

"Jude!" Her mother rushed to her daughter, Jude bursting out of the door and running down her steps and into the street. "Come back here!" She didn't stop to turn around, her mother's voice growing fainter and fainter as she ran. Tears of betrayal stung her eyes, streetlights turning to ghostly starbursts. She didn't know where she was going. She hastened her pace, trying to get as far away as possible. _I told him... He said this was best. How is this best!_

Jude finally made her way to the local park, sitting down to catch her breath on the first bench she came to. She reached for her cell phone, and flipped it open, ready to call Tommy. She closed it and threw it in her bag. _No! I will NOT call him! _

Sleep was overtaking her senses as she lay down on the park bench. _This shouldn't be happening. Not like this. _Slowly, she drifted off into a place of nothingness.


	10. Turning

Levity... Oh, sweet levity! Give me light w/o brevity! (xxx, sME)

* * *

Chapter 10 / Turning

Jude stood and shook the stiffness from her limbs. She felt wet, dawn having settling on every part of her. She finger combed the tangles from her frizzed hair, scratching her scalp; yawning the last bit of sleep from her body. She smiled to herself, a confusing smile of bitterness and happiness as she recalled her "welcome home party". It didn't shock her, but nothing really shocked her anymore. Sadie was Sadie and her mother was her mother. It was predestined for them to react as they did. It could have been prettier, she knew that, but she half-expected it. She didn't expect, though, to run out again, but she felt content with herself.

She grabbed her things and walked aimlessly around the large park, mulling over the past few days. The overwhelming sense of complication had softened and elation was beginning to filter in amongst the blackness that still clung to her lungs. She was still afraid that Tommy would renig on his promises or, worst yet, something would rip them apart, but she was comforted by the fact that he hurt too. It was sadistic, she could admit that, but it meant so much more. He finally told her that he wanted her like she wanted him, that he wanted only her. She felt bad for his torment, but dammit. He put her through hell, too. It was a new beginning for them. The slate had been wiped partially clean and they could begin something together.

Jude felt light. She felt like the world was lifted from her shoulders and, quite possibly, she'd been taken from her doldrums. She gazed up at the sky and it seemed bluer, the wind warmer, her entire aura freer. She laughed at herself and her thoughts. _I _am _cliché. _She smiled wildly at herself, stopping in the middle of the lonely walking track she'd taken. She looked around her, nothing but grass, trees, and stray wildlife to be seen. She outstretched her arms and threw her head back.

"I love Tommy Quincy!" She cleared her throat, going for more impact this time. "I LOVE TOMMY QUINCY!" Her voice resonated in the open space. It made her feel proud to say it. She was happy. She couldn't explain the turnabout but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but _them._

She continued her walk, finally making her way to the entrance of the park. Home was to the left, the studio to her right. She weighed her options before turning in the direction of G Major. As she walked, she was overcome by the intense urge to call her mother. _I have to set things straight. _She rummaged through her bag, pulled out her cell, and called home. Her mother answered sleepily, wearily.

"Hello?" The voice was groggy and dry. Jude inhaled sharply, shaking off her nerves.

"Mom... we need to talk."

* * *

Tommy sat in his office alone, cradling his head in his hands. _Why is it so damn bright in here? _His body ached and his head matched the dull pain. His mind was still fuzzy and his mouth was uncomfortably dry. He pushed himself up from his desk and walked to the coffee maker he'd put on top of the far wall's credenza. He poured himself a cup, and drank greedily. _Jesus, this is worse than the vodka. How old is this stuff?_ He walked back to his office chair, and placed his mug on top of a business _something_ he was supposed to look over. Two knocks came at his door.

"Yeah?" Georgia walked in, eying Tommy as she pulled up a chair.

"You look like hell." He couldn't help but to laugh.

"No, I look hungover." She smiled in amusement, him returning it to her. "You know how it is."

"Especially with you." He nodded in agreement. "Late night?"

"Of course, but I know you didn't come in here to tell me how bad I looked." Seriousness made its way onto her features, setting her eyes in a dark gaze.

"Have you heard from Jude?" His stomach churned, his heart skipping a few beats. He rapidly took hold of his feelings, the smile not leaving his lips. _Here we go._

"Yeah... She called me last night. She's at home."

"So she's alright? Did she say anything in regards to where she went or why?" His plastered confidence was straining at the seams.

"She's fine. She really didn't talk about any of that and I didn't press it." Georgia tipped her head in understanding.

"It's good to know she's ok." She stood and walked towards the door. She paused for a moment, turning back around to face him.

"Do you think she'll be in today?" _God I hope so. _

"More than likely. You know Jude." Georgia nodded her head and left silently.

Tommy leaned back in the chair, hands clasped together over his stomach. He couldn't help but think of his breakdown the night before. He couldn't help but think about all that could have happened after he dropped Jude off. He hoped everything was ok. His thoughts were in some weird, post-drunk, vengeful state clawing away at his inner psyche. He had so many questions to have so few answers. He sighed, looking to the coffee cup and its horrid contents. _Go get some air, Quincy. _He walked out of his office, out of G Major and made his way along the back streets to the small coffee shop he'd staked out that night to wait for Jude. He was glad he'd done it, no matter how psycho stalker it made him look. It'd finally brought everything to the forefront.

He reached the café soon after he began his journey. All he could think about was getting a hot, strong espresso and settling down for a while to sort out his thoughts before Jude came to the Studio. His plans were short lived. He stopped dead in his tracks as he gazed into the shop and caught site of the all too familiar red hair.


	11. Ultimately

You'll be pleased to know that I've outlined this story all the way to chapter 15. I won't be updating as frequently, though. No, I don't mean I'll make you wait forever and half a day for a new portion of this epic drama, just longer than the 23 hrs I usually give myself. Lol. I have a lot of ideas for this and I want it to be good. I'm not at all happy with the last few chapters. (Blame my writing OCD perfectionism.)

enomo67, haha! I was wondering if anyone would recognize the Jaime-ness of her actions. (they were best friends, after all!) I'll give you yummy Tommy treats if you can tell me which ep it's from.

But yes... the following is caffeine and Alanis induced. Fun for days, eh?

(Post note: I wrote this and realized how much I wanted to write ch. 12. DAMMIT, there goes my timing plan!)

* * *

Chapter 11 / Ultimately

Sitting in her same corner, same drink in hand, sharing this part of her world with her mother made Jude anxious but she felt it was the only place she had the upper hand. Maybe, for a change, they could be rational and discuss things quietly instead of the bitch and scream charade it always turned into. Her mother would "be good" and Jude wouldn't feel the need to run.

Victoria stirred her coffee nervously, Jude taking in every faltering sigh and sideways glance thrown her way. Her mother was always so quick to start that the silence was hard to take. She ran her hand over her hair and toyed with the star ring on her middle finger. Her mother sighed again, Jude counterattacking it with a low sigh of her own.

"Well, I asked you here to talk and no one is talking." Her mother looked up at her, weary eyed yet stone faced.

"I don't know what to say to you, Jude." Her mother placed the spoon she relentlessly stirred her coffee with down on the saucer. "Sadie told me about what happened between her and Tommy." Jude's eyes grew a little, her stomach tightening to the revelation.

"And she said?"

"You know what she said. And about last night? I will say it was wrong of her to do what she did, but I also know it rang with some fraction of truth. I'm just waiting for an explanation."

"I told you, Mom. I had to get away. You don't understand how crazy things are for me. You and Michael, Sadie, Jaime and Kat, and let's not forget about dear old Dad." Victoria winced at the mention of Jude's father.

"Let's not talk about him, ok?"

"I'm just saying. Everything has my head so twisted up right now. I couldn't take being in that house for another minute." She picked up her latte, swallowing back the lukewarm liquid. She couldn't get rid of the dryness in her throat.

"That doesn't excuse what you did. You're still only seventeen. You have to remember that and no matter how 'crazy' things seem to get, you can't go off like you did." Empathy seemed lost on Victoria. Jude could feel her defenses rising to full attention, waiting for the confrontation to begin.

"Seventeen. Do you not see how much I've changed since all of... _this _began? I did what I had to do. I'm sorry if it hurt you or scared you, but I had to look out for myself."

"If you say so, Jude." She took a sip of her equally tepid coffee. "When were you going to tell me you ran off with Tommy, though?"

"I didn't. Tommy wasn't a part of this." This was one of those times when alarm bells were sounding distantly and the hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end, but Jude pushed the warnings away. She blamed her nerves and the never ending supply of adrenaline that coursed in her veins whenever anyone mentioned him and her together. Every muscle in her body urged her to get up and run, but this would be a time she wouldn't. She had to confront her issues head on.

"Jude... Sadie saw him pick you up that evening." Victoria eyed her daughter, eyebrow raising in anticipation. Jude felt sick to her stomach.

"Then she must have seen wrong!" The edge was returning to Jude's voice. She tried to force it back to no avail. _Cover your tracks, Harrison, and cover them well. _"I did call him and that was it. There was no Tommy and Jude 'rendezvous'. I called him and left. End of story."

The front door's bell chimed as Victoria opened her mouth to speak. Wanting anything to end this discussion, Jude looked over to the door and her heart stopped. Every nerve in her body prickled. _Great._

_

* * *

_

It took Tommy a few seconds to catch his breath. He wasn't expecting to find Jude. He wasn't expecting to see her sitting with someone who, from the back, looked very much like Sadie. As if the hangover wasn't bad enough, he was about to walk into a death trap. He contemplated turning around and heading back to the studio but the need for caffeine seemed to overpower all pushes to leave the scene of the soon-to-be committed crime.

_No, Quincy, you have to face this at some point. _He composed himself, and entered into the small shop. He kept his head lowered, walking to the counter and ordering his usual doppio espresso. He looked over to Jude and the still obscured Sadie-look alike, locking eyes with the blonde. He quickly realized he was staring dead into the eyes of Victoria Harrison. _SHIT. Her mom._ Victoria seemed to perk up, smiling in his direction.

"Tom! Why don't you join us?" Jude flashed him a look of complete panic, slightly motioning for him to leave. He felt he had to talk with her mother, clear the air so to speak. Disregarding Jude's facial warning, he put on his best smile, walked over, and extended his hand.

"How are you, Ms. Harrison?" She took his hand limply, eyeing him as he sat next to Jude.

"I'm _good._" The sharpness of her tone made him tense. "I'm just going to get right to it. I want you to stay away from my daughter." Tommy was taken by surprise, sitting up in his seat at her declaration.

"Mom!" Jude's eyes went round.

"I'm serious. Stay the hell away from her." Tommy couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the suggestion.

"With all due respect, Ms. Harrison, that isn't possible. We work together. I'm her producer." She gave him a sneer.

"I know this. Doesn't mean you have to see her outside of the studio. No more late night phone calls, picking her up from wherever, stopping by for whatever reason. If I had it my way, I'd make it so you two would never be in the same room save for what little time you needed to do what all you _need_ to, but I can't do that. I can, however, make sure you don't see her any other time." Jude sat in visible seething anger, her eyes glinting under the pendulum light fixture hanging above the table. Tommy tried to take in what her mother was _ordering _him to do and it pissed him off. _NO ONE tells me what to do._

"Mom, why are you doing this!" Victoria snapped in her head in Jude's direction.

"I'm doing what's best for you." She turned back to Tommy. "I know you were with _him _those two days and I'll be damned if it happens again."

"Calm down, Ms..." Victoria's face went red.

"Don't tell me to calm down! You run off with my daughter in the middle of the night and don't return until two days later and you have the audacity to tell me to calm down!" Tommy balled his fists under the table, holding himself back from punching something. He had to keep reminding himself that this was Jude's mother and as much as he wanted to strangle her at that moment, she could screw everything up even more than ordering him not to have any more contact with Jude. He shot back his coffee and stood, excusing himself.

"Fine. No more contact."

"Tommy, don't..." He looked down at Jude.

"No, she's right Jude. Maybe we should keep some distance." The blank look of betrayal resting in Jude's eyes made his chest hurt. He breathed in raggedly. "I'm gonna go now."

"Tommy, wait..." He turned his back to the tears forming in her eyes, to the heart wrenching pain he heard in her voice.

"I'll see you at the studio, ok Jude? Have a nice day, Ms. Harrison." Tommy walked smoothly to the door, pulling it open violently. As he made his way outside, he heard Jude screaming at her mother hysterically.

"This is what I meant by FUCKED UP! And you wonder why I run away!"


	12. Fight Four I

Well well well! Look who finally decide to write something!

I don't know what's been up with me lately. I have the idea, the plot, the entire thing laid out but my brain is DOA. That, and someone said Tommy was out of character in the last chapter and it kinda toyed with me. But yeah... I'm back and I have some killer stuff I hope to get out.

As always, thanks for the comments.

And watch for the one shot I'm going to be writing soon called "Hands Clean". (Find those lyrics for a "preview".) I think it will be thoroughly entertaining.

Here's to it!

(Post note: Yes, it's short. For a reason.)

* * *

Chapter 12 / Fight Four

Pt 1: Ill-Received

"Jude! Wait!" Jude was livid. She saw red, indigo, orange, black, and every color ever possibly seen. What she'd just witnessed shocked her more than it pissed her off. Tommy? Her Tommy? No, that wasn't possible. _Fine. No more contact. _She tried to reason with herself and figure out what had happened. The only thing she could conclude was that he'd given up. That no more than 72 hours had passed and the pressure had gotten to him already. _He's a beautiful liar. _"Jude!" His voice just fuelled her inner fire. She whirled around, stopping mid-sidewalk, causing him to run into her.

"_What?_" The venom in her voice was hard to suppress. Even she could feel the acid burning her lips. He grabbed her biceps firmly, holding her in her spot. Her body went rigid to his touch.

"You have to let me explain." The expression on his face was almost unreadable but she stared into his eyes, through his eyes, and saw something she was far too familiar with. _Remorse._ It was the same look she'd seen on her 16th birthday, when he'd returned from his trip to Europe with Sadie, and damn near every time he said something he knew he shouldn't. It infuriated her further.

"What is there to explain?" Her voice was icy and flat. She tried to free herself from his ever tightening grasp. "Do you even remember promising me you'd stick by my side? That you wouldn't leave me hanging out to dry? 'Never again' is what you said. You must have really meant 'At least not until the end of the week'."

"It isn't like that." Jude finally managed to wriggle herself from his guitar-callused hands. She looked him over, trying to gain some insight on what he was thinking.

"Then what? I'm getting really sick of this. Just... just..." Her heart told her to cry, told her to breakdown. Her fury told her to kill. Jude closed to eyes to her thoughts. "Take everything back, Tommy. Please. Take everything back and it will so much easier. I'll go back to being the admiring kid and you can be the apathetic producer. I can handle that a lot better than I can handle any of this, but please tell me why before you go and it'll be done."

"I had to say it, Jude. You know that." She turned her back to his voice, crossing her arms over her chest protectively. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She blinked hard, trying her best to bite them back. "You said it yourself, about Sadie. It's all about what she thinks. If she thinks we aren't seeing each other, then we aren't. Jude..." He reached out for her shoulder, the pleading undercurrent in his voice breaking her even more. She shrugged off his hand as it lightly brushed the side of her hair.

"You always do this, though. You screw up and think you can fix things by explaining them away." Her arms dropped to her sides limply. "I'm not sure I can do this anymore." Tommy stepped in closely, wrapping his arms around her, bowing his head to the back of her neck. His warm breath on her skin sent a shiver down her spine.

"I hate hurting you. I'm not going to leave; I don't want to. I love you too much to..."

"Don't say things you don't mean just to get me to shut up, Tommy."

"I couldn't lie about this. You have to believe me." She wanted to believe him. She wanted to turn around and hug him and let him off the hook, but she couldn't get past the dull ache pulsating in her chest.

"I don't know what to believe any more." She relaxed slightly, her back pushing harder against his chest. His warmth did little to settle the chill gripping onto her body. "I know you'll hurt me again. Hell, you know you'll hurt me again and that itself hurts. Maybe... maybe we should just stop while we're ahead."

"Is that what you really want?"

"What I really want is something I'm not sure you can give me and... that scares me." She stepped away from his embrace, running her hands thru her hair. "Let's just go to the studio. We'll talk later." She walked away slowly, the weight of everything teetering on her shoulders, daring her to fall.


	13. Fight Four II

AHH! C12/P2! YAY!111!1ONE! (Enough of the 14 year old cyber-tard impressions.)

But yes, my dears. It's part zwei. (This has been the LONGEST 5 days EVER.) I have to say that, while I flipping LOVE writing this story, this shit is hard. It's not my style, really. My style is, 9 times out of 10, what is showcased in my other _whatever, _"Verse & Point". (You know... no names, no real dialogue, action action action, description that borderlines vague while still being these random whatevers that lay it out in crystal.) I'm struggling with this here; ch. 12 was hell and a half. But I'm trying to work thru this creative roadblock. (New music always helps. lol)

To clear up previous confusions from pt 1: The scene took place outside of the café, yes, but was a good enough distance from the entrance as to not be seen. Not only that, but Victoria's back was to the door. I also would like to point out no yelling was in play. My fault for any fogginess.

And, oh yeah... those bits and pieces of lyrics are originals of mine. (COPYWRITTEN, BITCHES! haha) I won't say they are any good, just one of my hobbies.

But yeah... here ya go. Hope it's _okay._

_

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Chapter 12 / Fight Four

Pt 2: Perception is 9/10 of the Law

Jude stood at the entrance of G Major, looking behind her to make sure Tommy hadn't caught up with her. She tried to mentally prepare herself for the day: talk to Georgia, work on the album, get Kwest alone so she could talk to him. She didn't want to talk to Georgia; she'd ask too many questions. She didn't want to work on her album; she'd have to work with Tommy. All she really wanted was to close her eyes and find herself in her bed, alone, and everything to be ok. Her mom wouldn't be upset and she wouldn't have given The Ultimatum. Sadie wouldn't be hell bent on tearing her down. Tommy would be who she saw when they "ran away". Everything would be perfect. _Perfect doesn't exist, Jude. _She inhaled deeply, throwing her shoulders back and walking into the label, prepared for every trump someone would play. _I'm good. _

She scanned the open space expectantly. Everyone was busy, their back turned to their appointed tasks - the interns on their computers; EJ in a corner yapping away on her cell; Kwest pouring himself a cup of coffee. She looked towards Georgia's office and through the small windows flanking either side of the door. She seemed busy, engrossed in a million papers she shuffled around briskly. Jude strode towards her undesired destination, unsettlement making her nervous. Jude knocked on the door softly hoping she wouldn't hear her so she had an excuse to go into an empty studio and hide out.

"Come in." Jude's shoulders fell at her answer, opening the door and poking her head through.

"Hey... Georgia..." The woman looked up, surprised, a slight smile on the corners of her mouth.

"Jude! Come in!" She motioned towards a chair, stacking her papers on the corner of her desk. She leaned forward, resting against her clasped hands. Jude noticed how anxious she appeared.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm... back." Jude walked in, taking the seat closest to the door. She felt the farthest thing from "back". Her body sat in that chair but her heart was left at the coffee house and her mind was still with _him. _

"And we're glad you are." Her smile turned into her usual look of business. It annoyed Jude. "Are you ok, Jude?" She waved a hand, dismissing any wonderings that hung in the air.

"I'm fine. Really. My excursion did me good." Georgia's brow furrowed slightly.

"Anything you need to talk about? You know you can tell me anything." Jude wanted to open up and let everything out. Georgia and she had become rather good friends since her beginnings and she knew Georgia could give her some sort of logical reasoning to everything, but the fact of the matter was that this wasn't the usual issues. It was about Tommy, her 23 year old producer and _whatever_, and she wasn't sure how understanding Georgia would be when she heard the tawdry story.

"It was really nothing. I had a lot on my mind and just... I wanted to get away for a few. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Jude played with her hands, a nervous habit she'd picked up over the past year. She felt twitchy even if she'd only been in that office for a couple of minutes. She suddenly wanted to work on a new song, find Kwest, do anything that would get her out of that smaller growing room.

"We were all worried about you." Jude shot her a fleeting look of urgency, hoping she would get the message that this was something she didn't really want to discuss. She picked up her vibe on cue, smiling. "But you're back so everything's ok."

"Yep." Jude forced an appeasing smile onto her lips. "I have a lot of new material I want to get to work on." Georgia's demeanor brightened to Jude's words.

"Great! Go! Don't let me keep you." Jude got up to leave, Georgia calling to her back. "I'm glad you're okay, but don't forget. I'm always here if you want to talk." Jude turned and gave her a final smile.

"Thanks. I won't." She left the office, breathing deeply as she closed the door. It hadn't been the scene she'd imagined - a scene of mock-concern with a hidden streak of anger and questions, a million questions. She didn't know why it made her feel so shaken up. _Maybe because you lied? It's all about what she thinks, though. _Jude shook her head to her thoughts as she made her way to Studio B, realizing how much she sounded like Tommy.

Tommy walked quietly along the back streets behind G Major. He kicked at the sidewalk, imagining it was himself at his feet. _You are such an idiot! Where did your balls go? _Where did they go? Had it been about anything else, he would have told the person dishing out their bullshit to go to hell and more than likely broken his hand against their jaw, but why this? Why did he give in? Why, why, WHY! He'd had good intentions going into that damned shop. He was going for coffee. Seeing Jude before he entered made everything seem better for a split-second until he noticed the other woman. Foolishly, he thought it was his ex. Had he known it was Jude's mother, he wouldn't have gone in at all. On the flip side, he thought they were on good terms, but that showed how little he really knew. _When did she begin hating me with her daughter? _It crossed his mind that this was his second daughter to be with. _Dammit, Tom!_

He silently slipped into G Major, restraining the door before it could slam shut. He looked around, not wanting to be seen. Fortunately, everyone was engrossed in whatever matters they attended to. He slinked around corners and walls, making his way to the mixing booth where he could finally talk to Kwest. Too much had happened and it was beginning to get to him. If he didn't spill soon, he'd implode.

Kwest sat at the console, twisting knobs and pushing buttons, tweaking treble and bass for a track Jude had laid the previous week. Tommy stood in the doorway, frozen against the jam. The words, they got to him.

"_I've forever fallen, excuse me if I'm too far gone... Getting over you, it should be as simple as it is wrong. I have the reasons; lord knows I've heard them enough... A part of me believes them yet I still want to call your bluff..._" Kwest noticed his presence, turning the music down to a faint cry.

'Hey there, man. What's up?" Tommy thrust his fists into his pockets, inner restlessness wishing for the bottle he'd thrown into the wall the previous night. He took a jagged walk towards the deck, turning a few of the dials, making Jude's voice pour through the speakers louder, the background fading away as the words rang in deafening decibels.

"_Does it matter anymore? Joker's running cold... I'm turned over my last card... The game's gotten old... I can hide and I could run... I can plead and I could die... I know in the end it doesn't make me any better than I was that night..._"

Kwest sat back from the console, resting his arm behind his head. He gave Tommy a well-known look. Tommy crashed down in the chair beside him, sighing raggedly.

"Way too much." With that, Tommy told him everything from that night of her party to why he went with Sadie in the first place; from the "disappearance" to what went down with Victoria. "There. Take it and for the love of god, tell me what's good." Kwest contemplated his response quickly, nodding in understanding.

"You're an idiot." Tommy squinted and glared at his friend.

"_Thanks._" He slouched farther down in her chair. "She doesn't get it though. I tried explaining it to her but..." Kwest cut him off.

"I'd be pissed too if someone I loved did some shit like that. Seriously, man. Do you NOT hear yourself? If a girl did that to you, you'd split before she could even say the first 'sorry'. You'd cut her off completely."

"But that's _me_. Jude's different." Kwest laughed at him.

"You're right, she is, but you overestimate her." Tommy's scowl darkened, defense edging his voice.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You tell her you can't be with her because she's too young, right? Finally you decide it's the right time _you _but screw things up.Then you turn around and expect her to handle business like she isn't 17." Kwest leaned forward slightly, looking at his partner dead-on. "What are you thinking, man?" Tommy covered his face, ready to scream. He'd gone to Kwest for simple answers, to help him sort stuff out. Now, Kwest was playing shrink.

"I don't know!" His voice came out louder than he really wanted. "I don't know. Jude is so intense. She feels things on such a deep level. It's one of the things I love about her, but sometimes it gets to be too much. I'm not... _used _to it. "

"What do you want, Quincy?"

"Her." Tommy realized how quickly he answered the question. It came out so effortlessly it almost scared him. "I want her, man. I... I don't know." Kwest couldn't help but laugh.

"You know, but you're too scared and stupid to just say it."

"I keep screwing things up for us."

"That's your fault." Tommy rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"I know, I know."

"Honestly? I can understand on some level but I know Jude. Maybe not like you know her, but we talk. That girl is crazy about you." Tommy growled under his breath.

"And again, I know. There's the intensity I was talking about."

"And you like it." Kwest turned to the control panel, switching off the song. "Listen, man. I'm not gonna say that I support all this – you know what I think about the age thing – but Jude doesn't deserve to be hurt. Besides, you two were going to happen at some point. Just... relax. Quit thinking so much and watch your mouth. You have a way of always saying the wrong thing." Kwest's seriousness broke into a short laugh and smile. Tommy couldn't help but laugh either, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"Because I'm an idiot." Kwest nodded, still smiling.

"Yeah. You're an idiot."


	14. Southside Bargaining Chip

To all of my loyal readers, I must make a small point before getting to the traffic of today's stage.

After reading over my story (ch 1-12II), I've realized progression is lacking. I apologize for this, but this chapter will be another one of those "emotional but moving them in the right direction" type deals. But just wait – chapter 14 will deal with some serious drama. I've also realized (by just reading too many FF's and by personal reflection on my writing) that I don't have Jude fly off at the handle at the drop of a dime nor have I made Tommy as confusing as he may actually be. All I can say is that, well, I dunno. (I have to get my personal feelings out towards my story.) I really wanted to blur the lines of "She's 17... only 17!" I want the reader to keep in mind that while Jude has cracked and has fallen into her doldrums, Tommy isn't infallible and is probably more... fucked up. (Ha.) Not to mention how everything over the past year is wearing thin on EVERYONE. The darkness... yeah. I wanted it dark in a pseudo-dark type way.

OH YEAH! Jaime and Kat will come in here at some pt. Watch for it. And we haven't heard the end of Sadie.

How I babble!

But yes... on with today's traffic and on with something that may have you screaming, "WTF! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!"

Haha...

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Chapter 13 / Southside Bargaining Chip

Jude was drained. No amount of caffeine or sleep could energize her. Listlessness was the predominant feeling of the current production and it weighed down her mind. Songs came and went; chords filtered through the cracks; words and discussions and situations that were fantasy and would probably never happen couldn't help but play on the silver screen behind her eyes. It added to the strain but she smiled a masochistic smile; dreams were meant to be dreamed after all.

She sat on the floor, Studio A. She strummed the same song that restarted everything. _Yes... It's about you._ She damned the song. Her songs always hit so close to home and always stirred things that should have been left to die. She played harder, louder. She furiously hit the strings, the sounds growing to their peak intensity. She stopped, breathing hard and wanting to slam the guitar against the wall. _If I walked away from all of this, would it fucking matter!_

"Jude." Jude looked up from the guitar resting against her heaving chest. His hair was a disheveled mess, the way he liked it. His clothes hung perfectly from every inch of his body. He was rugged and his clean scent encompassed her senses even if he was ten feet away. He looked so good, so inviting, so warm and soft and wanting. It was antagonizing.

"_Tommy._" Her voice was a cracking mess of bitterness and depression. "If you're hear to explain something, don't. Just don't. I'm not in the mood." He said nothing as he walked to where she sat, sitting beside her on the burgundy carpeting, stretching out his long legs that threatened to share her personal space. His leather jacket rubbed her against her elbow, a maddening juxtaposition. He was too close for comfort, too far away for security.

"I do a lot of things." He straightened the leg of his jeans, his fingers brushing against her knee. "I'm damn good at what I do and sometimes, the things I'm best at are the worst things I could ever be. I have a mean temper that has caused more bloody faces and caused me to spend more nights in jail than are countable. I drink more than any living man should. I drive too fast and it shocks me that I haven't killed myself yet. And... I hurt you... over and over again. I don't mean to and god knows I don't want to. I just do. But... I think about it so much. Every step I try to plan and play, every move I make - no matter how calculated and thought out it is – it all backfires. You confuse me, Jude."

Honesty, more honesty than she'd heard in her 17 year old lifetime, more honesty than the man who could drive her to and from the brink of disaster had ever given her. It was too much. He was too much. She slumped forward, crying into her lap, silently but just enough to shake her. He didn't reach out for her. She mentally thanked him.

"_I _confuse _you_? Tommy... For the past year and a half, I've spent nights awake trying to understand you. Every time I get close to some sort of answer to it all, you pull out another trick. I don't get it. I confuse you. How?"

"You don't see the gimmick, girl. From the jump, you didn't look at me as 'Little Tommy Q' and if you did, it wasn't a good thing. I'm not used to girls like you. I've never met a girl like you. That's what's so confusing." Jude looked up from her position, eying Tommy. He stared into space, his eyes fixated on something on the ceiling. He looked as broken as she felt. The moment was an all-access granted pass; she had to ask her most deeply rooted questions.

"Why do you run from me?"

"You're 17 and I've never been with someone who feels me as much as you do. Don't you see how that can be unnerving? I shouldn't want you. I shouldn't need you, but I do. I want you and need you more than anything. It scares me."

"Why does it always have to go back to age with you?"

"_You're 17. _I'm 23.Forgetting how I feel, don't you get how it looks? I've gotten past it for the most part, but no one would understand. You'd be the innocent musician and I'd be the perv producer who was going after a kid."

She tried to digest and process what he said, but it still annoyed her. She knew he was right on some level; people wouldn't get it, but it didn't give him the right to mess with her head.

"You can say all this, but I know you'll pull away as soon as the heat gets too hot. No one knows about us, but you still run. Back there, when we were at the coffee place? When I told you I wanted something you couldn't give me? I meant..." She choked on the tears she'd pushed aside. "All I want is to know that you won't leave and you can't give me that. I want to know that you're here and you... really want me." Tommy pulled her into him, holding her against his chest. _He smells so good..._

"I want you, girl. I want you as mine."

"Why don't I feel it?" He pulled her away from him, cool air coming between them, killing the newfound warmth.

"Because... of me. You have to trust me, Jude. I'm tired of the games just like you are. I'm tired of knowing the hurt in your eyes in because of me." He ran his fingers along her jaw line, his touch putting the gnawing emptiness asleep. He wasn't a liar even if he didn't always tell her everything. She trusted him in that sense.

"Ok, Tommy..." She nodded her head in agreement. "Ok."

* * *

The woman walked thru G Major, purpose and assurance her aura of choice. She scanned the room for the few faces she'd recognize. She spotted EJ pacing in a restrained box, her cell phone cemented to her ear. 

"_I don't care who you think she sounds like, play the damn music!" _ The woman smirked, knowing she was referring to Jude. She walked up to EJ, breaking her walking path. She tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey!" The woman gave EJ a quick smile.

"Hey... Where's Georgia?" EJ's face showed indifference even if her nose crinkled at the question.

"She's... umm... in her office. She's a bit busy at the moment, but..." The woman cut her off.

"Thanks." She walked towards the door labeled _Georgia Beavans, CEO_. She knocked but waited for no answer. She stood in front of Georgia purposefully. "We should talk."

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Kwest had seen the woman enter and it didn't register who she was until she turned to enter Georgia's office. 

"This isn't good..."


	15. Shades of Resolve

You're going to hate this: The cliff-hanger still stands. Giving the responses I've been given, I'm not sure if I really want to head down the path I was going to take (I'll get to that drama still) but... hmmm... so many choices when it comes to The Woman. We'll see, though.

This chapter, short. Having a lot of difficulty. HELP! What do you really want to see? Where do you think I'm going? What conclusions have you drawn? What's good? What's bad?

I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments (esp. from music88 and starryeyed68). It keeps me going.

OH YEAH – _Verse & Point_ should have a new chapter tomorrow. I've been playing Matchbox 20 so... yeah. Haha.

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Chapter 14 / Shades of Resolve

Kwest knew who he'd seen; there was no mistaking it. It bothered him. He wasn't a man of anxiety or pacing, always the calm one, but today marked a day for firsts. He went from corner to corner, console to sitting to tapping his foot against the wall. _This is seriously bad business. I've gotta get them outta here... _He knew he had to act fast; Jude and Tommy would need to leave. There wasn't a need for more drama and stress after all Tommy spilled to him.

Some part of him felt bad for them. He wanted to be supportive, but he knew bad things would come from them being together. The age gap aside, people would jump to conclusions. Publicity would be bad, very bad, no matter how hard EJ tried to push it towards a good light. Jude's parents would flip. On top of it all, who knew what would become of the two people he called family? They hurt only themselves and if push came to shove, would they make it through or destroy each other? He knew they loved each other; it was clearly evident to everyone who saw them together regardless of the context, but would love be enough to pull them out of the even rougher patches? No one could answer that. No one tried.

Things were getting too twisted too fast and it agitated him. He felt guilty that he wasn't backing them up 100, but how could he? He didn't think it was right for them to be together – not now anyway. He respected their choices and would help them if they needed it, but as far as him being all-systems-go for their coupling, he'd be the first to explain the many cons to their pros.

Kwest pushed himself off the wall, settling on one of his many plans to get the two away. _I help them run but damn them for doing it. I am no good... _ He knew they were in "Island A", the title of Studio A given by Jude when she told him how she runs away to the rarely used studio to get away from Tommy. They talked a lot. She said it was because she knew he would tell her the truth about things even if they weren't in her favor.

He left Studio B, making his way towards her island. He eyed Georgia's office apprehensively, her and the woman now engaged in what seemed to be heavy discussion. Even as far away as he was, he could still see the concern on Georgia's face. _Shit. _

He busted through the wooden door of Studio A, startling Tommy and Jude.

"Man, what the hell?" Tommy stared at Kwest, his arm draped around Jude's shoulders. Jude had her leg over Tommy's, her body contouring his side.

"Sorry about that, yo." Kwest scratched the back of his neck, looking around the room. "Georgia just wanted me to ask you if you two were going to finish that song today."

"You bust in for that?"

"I said I sorry, ok?" Kwest was trying not to get annoyed but Tommy's tone was getting to him. "Wasn't trying to kill you two's _moment._"

"It's cool, Kwest." Jude spoke lazily, killing the possible confrontation between the two men. "Yeah, we're going to finish it today... maybe."

"Well, she said if you wanted, you could take off the rest of the day." He could see the quizzical looks Tommy and Jude were giving him. "Don't ask me, man. Something about inspiration or whatever. I'm just the messenger."

Jude's eyes sparkled at the suggestion, slightly tugging on Tommy's jacket, smiling wickedly.

"Georgia always knows." She stood, straightening her clothes and brushing back her hair. "Come on, Tommy. I need to be mused." Kwest laughed at her innuendo.

"Yeah, Quincy. _Muse her._"

"Shut up!" Jude mock-glared at her friend, blushing slightly. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Sure, yeah, ok." Tommy chuckled and pulled himself off of the floor with Jude's guitar, the trio leaving the room empty. They chattered mindlessly about this and that, Kwest ushering them towards the exit. Jude caught notice of Georgia's office and her company.

"I wonder who she's talking to." She motioned in the general location, Tommy not really caring and Kwest half-choking.

"Probably another wanna-be. A lot of them of have been coming through lately."

Tommy reached the exit first, opening the door to the outside world.

"Maybe. I don't really care." He held out his hand for Jude. "Let's go... muse." He winked, grinning.

"Yeah... y'all go _muse._"

"Kwest, I swear to god..." She smacked his arm before following Tommy out. "You're so bad."

Kwest smiled, raising his eyebrows.

"I know."


	16. C'est Pas Ma Faute

I've settled on a final direction for my story (overall) and you'll be happy to know that a lot of my writer's block has been lifted. (Praise be to the almighty manicurist! Getting my nails done always helps. That, and the bitch I call my "man-friend".) I knew who I wanted in the beginning but a lot of cards were brought to table I had to ponder. I've settled on my original concept.

I'm not gonna drag on this 'hanger. After that excruciatingly BAD last chapter, I just can't do it. (That chapter was as painful to write as it was to read, to me at least.)

As for the name of the story – it isn't a rip from Pink Floyd. It's funny that it was mentioned because I was at work and was like, "Hey... Didn't Pink Floyd have something called 'The Wall'?" I'm not a PF fan so I was highly amused. I actually get the name from one of the most used expressions in Jude's songs. (Skin, Time to be Your 21, Shay saying it in Waste my Time) It fit. Dunno. Haha...

This is all what you've waited, hoped, prayed, and wished for. Enjoy; it only goes downhill (uphill?) from here.

PS: Tell me what song the title comes from and, once again, yummy Tommy treats!

PSS: What the hell does AU mean! And in what ep did it give the back story on Portia, Tommy's ex-wife? Everyone seems to know this but me and I'm flipping obsessed to the point of having every ep DL to my computer! TELL ME:(

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Chapter 16 / C'est Pas Ma Faute 

The lady sat apprehensively in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs, ringing her hands in the most OCD of ways. She couldn't get comfortable. She knew what she was doing, but it didn't help her nerves. She sipped from the strong cup of black coffee Georgia had offered her moments earlier.

Georgia took in her appearance and mannerisms. She was on good terms with the woman, wouldn't go as far as to call her a friend or even an associate, but there'd never been any conflict. They never crossed paths save for birthday and release parties and even then it was the same mindless banter that one had over cocktails at Happy Hour. Today, though, the woman wasn't the bright faced and calm woman she chatted up for the sake of being polite. She looked to have a mission and she was drawing it out as far as possible.

"So, what brings you to G Major?" Georgia looked over her the rim of her coffee mug as she took a sip.

"It's about Thomas Quincy." The woman took in a sharp intake of air before continuing. "I want to know how you can get rid of him."

Georgia had to stifle the laughter that marred her voice. "Get rid of him? He's the best producer I have!"

"That may be so, but..." She let the word "but" trail off languidly.

"But what, Mrs. Harrison?" Georgia wasn't one for games and the one Victoria was beginning to play was quickly wearing on her. "Why do you want me to 'get rid of' my best producer?"

"Jude."

"What about her?" She couldn't fight her growing annoyance.

"I'm taking it she didn't tell you the entire story about her disappearance." Victoria's face fell into an all-knowing state of sarcasm as she stared at Georgia's own shrouded in confusion. "She didn't tell you about _them_?"

"What 'them'?" Georgia set down her cup. "Just say what you need to say, Mrs. Harrison. I have work that really needs attending to."

"Jude didn't disappear alone. She ran off with _him_, Tommy. I talked with him this morning, told him to stay the hell away from Jude or else..." She thought over her chopped thoughts. "Or else there would be hell to pay."

Georgia didn't comprehend what Victoria was giving her. Jude told her she'd just gone away, nothing too descript, nothing that would cause suspicion. She believed her. Jude wasn't a liar. As for Tommy, while they hadn't discussed his absence, she'd spoken with him and Kwest later informed her that he was in Montreal handling personal business. It was coincidental, she could admit that, but it didn't mean the two were together. _It doesn't mean they weren't._

_I should be furious. _She wondered fleetingly why she wasn't. If the two of them had their little tryst, what did it mean? Georgia wasn't a stupid woman nor was she detached from the affairs of her colleagues and employees. She knew they were friends and that their bond transcended a musical relationship, but it didn't mean they were doing anything wrong. _Jesus, are they sleeping together? _ Georgia pushed the thoughts to the side, trying to figure out the best way to appease the woman. _I'll wait. That's always the best game plan._

"Mrs. Harrison, honestly? There is nothing to implicate either one of them." She'd resorted to using technicalities and contractual jargon. "I can't just fire Tom based on what you say. I know you have the best interest for your daughter at heart, and believe me, I do as well. I will watch over them closely and if I see anything getting too _deep _I will lay down the law."

Victoria's eyes blazed. This wasn't the way this was supposed to pan out. She felt crazy, but _they _were the ones playing with fire. Besides, she'd be damned if she didn't stop that monster from hurting her little girl. It wasn't right no matter how either of them tried to spin it.

Victoria got up, shaking her hair behind her shoulder. She would leave this for another day, another day where the evidence was concrete. She extended her hand out to Georgia and smiled astringently.

"Thank you, Georgia. Knowing you have an eye on things makes me feel better." Georgia shook her hand firmly. Victoria snorted to herself. "And I'm sorry if I came off as... manic, crazy if you will."

Georgia returned her laugh.

"It's alright, you didn't. I know you're just looking out for Jude." The two women eyed each other for a few seconds before Georgia moved to excuse Victoria from the office.

She opened the door widely, loudness and laughter enveloping them. They stared at the two walking in from outside, Georgia nervous and Victoria enraged. All four of them locked eyes, the air electrifying to the point of lethality. Concrete.


	17. You’re the Killer, Make Me Smile

**Huge A/N ahead... BEWARE.**

Sometimes, I like to go back and read my story from beginning to now to get the feel of it and, to sound as narcissistically Tommy as possible (ha!), sometimes I freak myself out. When I write, I just go at it. I have the initial concept for the chapter, a few things I want it to lead to, etc. but nothing is set in stone. I never really pre-write anything – what you see in the chapter is what I've typed off the head in Word. (I think this is why it often takes me forever to write a new chapter.) But dammit, boy. Sometimes I just correlate stuff w/o realizing it. (Like the last chapter, where I had Georgia say something about concrete evidence and ended it with "Concrete.") I went back like an hr later and was like, "DAMN. I so didn't realize I did that." (Why am I telling ya'll this? I guess because I can.) It freaks me out. It's like a drug that sends you into a trance – no thought just typing – and I dunno. It just... happens. LOL

As for my chapter titles, those are funny buggers. I tend to ALWAYS have music going when I write. In the beginning it was the IS sdtrk, then it was Alanis then Sister Hazel, Matchbox 20, Lloyd & Ashanti (Southside Bargaining Chip), and now random trance stuff. The last chapter was a line from Alizée's "Moi Lolita". (It didn't dawn on me that it translated into a Jude line. It now dawns on me the whole J/T thing and Alizée's song have eerie Nabakovian correlation. DAMMIT.) How strange.

Now, about the story so I can shut up: Things are about to get twisted and twisted fast. Be ready for a cruel twist of fate for our two lovers. (No, no one dies. I hate stories like that; they make me feel empty. Haha) But yes – things aren't going to be smooth sailing & we have NOT heard the end from Sadie. We'll get into her head a little bit – think "showdown".

As always, thank you for your lovely comments. I enjoy them, especially since they've been so long lately. It shows ya'll actually read my story and like it for real. I feel LOVED. Hehehe...

But yes... MUSH, GIRL!

PS: My boss calls me "girl". It always makes me chuckle.

* * *

Chapter 17 / You're the Killer, Make Me Smile 

They're outing had been as perfect as it could have been. They went back to the café, trying to avoid the odd stares of the barista working the bar. They laughed at the new joke Kwest would taunt them with, talked jovially about their feelings and where they wanted to take Jude's newest song, had plural moments of slights of hands, knees, and smiles. It made them feel alive to feel so happy.

They made their way quietly, haphazardly hand-in-hand, towards the studio, eager to get to work regardless of their day-pass. They didn't notice Victoria's car. They didn't notice Victoria and Georgia leave Georgia's office as they walked inside. They didn't notice they were still holding hands until the damage had been done.

"Mom!"

"Mrs. Harrison..."

Victoria gave them the once-over, noticing how they quickly let go of the other's grasp, searching for new places to put them. Her teeth ground against each other.

"Jude. _Tommy._" A sneer was beginning to paint itself onto the tired features of the woman.

"Mom, what are you doing her?"

"I came to talk to Georgia. Mind telling me where you two have been?" Her eyes bore into Tommy.

"Coffee." Tommy took a half-step away from Jude, her eyes lowering to the floor as she swayed back and forth. He was getting tired of being interrogated every time he was "caught" by the likes of her mother. "You know; artists tend to drink a lot of it when they have writer's block."

"Yeah, sure." Victoria cocked her head to look at her daughter. "And the hand holding? Another remedy for writer's block, right?"

"Mom, let's do this later." Jude stopped her shuffling, staring at her mother indignantly. "You can yell at me then." Her eyes narrowed to tiny slits, to the point everything went fuzzy.

Methodically, they all walked towards each other. The staring competition was fierce as was the tension. They seemed to dance in a tango of unspoken hostility, making their rounds of glances.

"I told you to stay away from her."

Rage was beginning to makes it way from Tommy's core, radiating to every extremity of his body. Where did she get off? Where the hell did she get off talking to him, Tom Quincy, like some... _child?_ He would do as he fucking pleased. He regretted ever pacifying the woman.

"I don't have to listen to you, Victoria." He pushed his tightening fists into his denim pockets; he tried to control his instinctive urges to break something. "Besides, I wasn't doing anything. I'm her producer, if I have to remind you of that, and sometimes I have to find ways to get my people to open up. Productivity and all."

Tensions were mounting to unprecedented heights. Georgia had stayed at her door, watching the show take place, and while she didn't know what Victoria would do if it continued to escalate, she knew Tommy. He wouldn't hurt her, but he'd destroy the inside of G Major. She walked briskly to the center of the conflict, staring the two parties down.

"Here's an idea: you two settle this off of my clock. Tom, I'm not paying you to argue with Jude's mother and Mrs. Harrison, we've already talked. I told you I could handle things."

Tommy backed away, siding with Jude. Victoria coolly threw back her shoulders and smiled sardonically. She didn't say a word as she made her way towards the door. She turned curtly, facing the audience.

"Just remember, Tom – you are her producer. Let's keep this in _here._" She pushed the door open and left.

Tommy huffed disdainfully. "I swear to god, that woman will one day..."

"Tom, in my office. NOW." Jude looked up fearfully, long forgotten in the quarrel-torn studio. She met Georgia's face trying to read it for any sign that this wouldn't turn out bad. That she just wanted to clear the air and quite possibly, discuss nothing more than business. Hopes fell. It didn't look like Fate loved her right now.

Tommy gave Jude a quick stroke down her back for reassurance, following Georgia into her office. He turned at the frame, nodding at the girl in near tears. He sighed as he closed the door to the previous confrontation.

* * *

Georgia paced behind her desk, Tommy feeling uneasy at the uncertainty of the discussion that would happen. _Dammit, Georgia. Sit down. _She didn't catch his telepathy, but stopped to stoop over her desk. She stared at him in a way he wasn't familiar with.

"I really don't want to know. That's my take on this whole thing, but for what it's worth? She wants your blood."

"Georgia, nothing is-" She held up her hand, cutting off any explanation or protest. She gave him a look of pure wisdom.

"As I said, I don't want to know. I trust that you'll make the right decision in all of this. But keep this in mind, Quincy – I control what goes on in my studio; I cannot control what happens outside of these walls. If _anything _is going on with you and Jude, cool it. Most people aren't as understanding as I am, but even I have my limits."

His face fell slightly. "I gotcha."

"You can go." She turned her back towards him, rummaging through the large credenza behind her. Tommy left without saying a word.

Jude sat on the couch, looking up at him expectantly. He couldn't bear to look at her. _Cool it, _she'd said. He knew what it meant – people were on to them. He'd have to push her away; he'd have to hurt her; he'd have to turn away from the one thing that made him feel whole. His chest hurt at the thought. They finally were going toward the light but, as always, something was yanking them back into darkness.

The Tommy in him said run while he could; break things quickly and avoid her face until he cracked again. The Tommy in him said that ending everything would be best. The Tommy in him said that they'd have another chance at another time and this was right. The Tom in him was defiant. The Tom in him wouldn't be the scared little boy running from his feelings. The Tom in him would remain at the side of the justice of his peace. He would be a grown man for once in his damned life. _A grown man with a child, Quincy... _

Jude broke him free from his inner prosecution.

"Tommy, is everything ok? What did Georgia say?" Her voice, the voice that lullabies were made for; the voice that soothed his aching soul; the voice that killed the Tommy in him. He smiled warmly.

"Everything's ok. Come here." He helped get her to her feet, enveloping her in the tightest hug he could ever possibly deliver. He dropped his face into her hair, inhaling the honey milk scent that could drive him to the moon. "I love you..."

He made his decision.


	18. Put Your Tiny Hands in Mine

Want to know what I do before I go to bed or in between rushes at work? Write. I sit there, composition book in hand, planning out all the plot twists and dramas and goodness for this little story. And, with all of that said, it's taken me forever and 6 days to write this chapter. Finally though, after a good few emails with a soon-to-be partner-in-crime, I was... mused. (haha)

That... and Wednesday was my **21st birthday**! (The 9th.)

(I guess it really IS time to be your 21. lol)

To put it simply: There is a lot of stuff planned even if I do seem to be posting sporadically. Think... drama. Think... showdown. Think... Jude gets an ally. Think... Bri's a twisted little something and she likes making things twisted. I think I'm gonna take this down some dark alley in the near future. I'm dying for something really... DARK. lol. Just wait... (Again, NO MURDER/SUICIDE/ETC. NO ONE dies. Those stories just... make me sad.)

It'll be fun... & this chapter was frikkin MURDER to write. (Took me damn near 2 weeks to write!)

PS: I just realized that I've started numbering my chapters incorrectly. THIS is actually chapter 17. Heh...  
PSS: This one crossed the 2,000 word line. BE PROUD.  
PSSS: Sorry if the ending seemed a bit sappy. It's just... something I'd tell my own father. Felt right at the time. lol  
PSSSS: **REVIEW MONKEY HEADS! **I'm going all comment fiend, man. I get off to it or something, I guess.

* * *

Chapter 17 / Put Your Tiny Hand in Mine 

Jude's breath caught in her throat, time stopping. It was a scene from The Matrix and she waited for everything to turn stark white, a child telling her that there was no spoon... or Tommy for that matter.

"I love you, girl." He said it again. This was real.

She suddenly felt week, like she would slip out of his grasp and fall to the floor. Her grip on him intensified, crushing him against her.

"I... I love you too..." She pulled away from him, staring at him deeply. Her bottom lip trembled, not because she was about to cry but from sheer adrenaline. "So... we're... together? Officially... sort of?"

Tommy laughed huskily, turning and walking them towards Studio B.

"Yeah, girl. I mean," he stopped, looking at her. "We'll have to keep things quiet for now, but we're... _it._"

* * *

Time passed fluidly and everything returned to its predestined schedule. Little was said about the couple despite Tommy's newfound openness. After the eruptive day with Victoria and his lovely profession, he seemed to not care much about what people saw. He'd take her into a tight embrace in front of Georgia and EJ or steal a quick kiss in front of Kwest. Jude enjoyed it – possibly appreciated it – but it was hard to comprehend. She settled on taking it, loving it, and refusing to question it.

Things for Jude turned to silent contempt, the eye of the hurricane. She went out of her way to distance herself from Sadie, her mother, and the house she "cohabitated" with them in. Sadie was the easiest. Save for the awkward mornings in the bathroom, she was MIA. Victoria was another matter. Jude took to damn-near sleeping at the studio, blaming the tight timeline of her new album on every past curfew evening. The story worked more times than not – in part because Georgia backed her up – but Victoria flipped every now and then when she got tired of the broken-record excuses. For the most part, though, everything went down without incident; just another blip on the routine radar.

It had been 15 days since Jude and Tommy reconnected. Seventeen days since the excursion. Eighteen days since the episode. Jude knew. She kept track of track of things like that. Jaime and Kat used to jokingly call her "The Rain Man" with dates and numbers. The tracking gave her a sense of normalcy. Maybe her kind of normal, but it wasn't so bad. No major fights. No one deciding to escalate the silent war. No life-altering disruption. Just... Jude's normal.

Jude walked around her end of Toronto, taking in the air and the silver clouds that had decided to hang around for the day. Those clouds, though depressing to most, gave her some sort of solace. It was an unexplainable feeling, but she liked them. It made her feel quiet. It made her voices quiet.

Her phone rang. _So much for silence._ The number seemed foreign to her; she didn't recognize any part of it. She flipped it open without hesitation.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jude." Jude froze at the voice and the phrase. It was the only person who could use it and escape without harm. She swallowed hard. _So much for solace._

"Hey, Dad..." Her voice came in monotone. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to call and... uh... see how you were." His voice seemed tired, scratchy. It wasn't the 'Stuart' Jude remembered.

"I'm alright." Jude stretched her neck, questions for her father growing with the seconds. "You have odd timing."

"How do you mean?"

"Nothing." Jude looked around for a spot to sit down, the curb being the most opportune location. "Come on, Dad. Why'd you really call?" She hadn't talked to her dad in so long, conversing now irritated her.

Stuart half sighed, half growled.

"You're mother called me."

Jude busted out laughing.

"Great! What did she have to say? Did she tell you the same thing she's telling everyone, that me and Tommy are making love children in the back of his car?"

"Not exactly, but something very similar." He sighed again. "Listen, I know things haven't been the same for us and I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I can't take back everything I've done; it's just what it is, but I do love you Jude and I don't want your mother to... do anything to hurt you. So I have to ask – are you and Tommy anything at all?"

Something about his tone off put her. Blame the overbearing anxiety surging through his words or the fact that he was calling her after so long and questioning her about Tommy, she couldn't place it and it was beginning to eat at her.

"Dad, calm down. Let's start from the beginning. You're right. Things haven't been the same. I was mad for a long ass time, but I don't know. The anger turned south and morphed into a dull ache. I figured out that it wasn't your cheating that hurt, but the fact that you left me. I've gotten over it, for the most part." Her inner voice screamed at her for understating everything she'd felt over the past year. She pushed it aside, wanting to get to his question so she could gloss over everything and make sure he wouldn't be on her back. "As for mom – what did she say she was going to do?"

"Nothing in particular. Just made a lot of threats, screamed a lot, etc. It just didn't sound like she cared about how it would affect you as long as her mind was at ease."

Jude adjusted her legs, tucking them in towards the curb so she could get into a more comfortable position. _This could take a minute. _

"Fair enough. Mom has... _issues_ right now. I'm almost numb to it. I mean, I'm scared sometimes that she could do something bad – call the cops on Tommy, get him fired, yank me from my contract with G Major – and when I think about it, it does kind of hurt. I just try _not _to think about it." She laughed to herself. "I think I do that with most things though. That or I'm over-analyzing everything to the point of insanity."

She'd forgotten how easy it was for her to talk to her dad. She wasn't even trying to talk with him; it just happened. She smiled as she recollected the discussions they'd have over his record collection, arguing over who was better – The Beatles or The Clash, Jude always picking the latter. Those were the times when things were easy. Times that were far beyond revisiting.

"Jude?" Stuart kicked her out of her memories. "About you and Tommy?"

"Nothing. Absolutely... nothing." Her insides flipped and turned against her lying, but it was true on some levels. They were nothing to everyone else but them.

"For the sake of telling of you, either way, I don't care."

The irritation that has dissipated earlier was returning to her.

"That's _nice_ to know, that you don't care." She left the end of her sentence sharp, hoping it'd cut through him.

"I didn't mean it like that, honey."

"Then how did you mean it?"

"If you and Tommy are anything other than just musical partners, I'm ok with it."

"Really?" She blurted it out before she could think how it might implicate her.

"Yes. I just need to know the truth so I can help you tackle your mother."

Jude couldn't help but sigh. She wanted to believe he was genuine, but this was her father. Not to say that he was a dishonest man or that he'd intentionally set out to hurt her, but fathers protect their daughters. That's just what they're supposed to do. And what if he wanted to know just so he could make Tommy go away? What if he found a way to get Tommy in trouble? What if... _Jude, just tell him. _Again, the voice was talking to her, cutting short the possibilities.

She leaned her chin to her knees, giving the last rights to her thoughts. Maybe her head was right. Maybe he wouldn't betray her. She wouldn't know if she didn't tell him. She bit the corner of her lip and closed her eyes, taking careful consideration of her words.

"There is something going on."

"Ok..." He let his words trail, egging her to go on.

"He didn't pressure me to do anything. In fact, it's probably the exact opposite. We haven't slept together. Nothing bad is happening." She sat up, pushing the hair from her face, focusing on the distance. "I love him, Dad." She felt oddly content telling him. She waited for a synonymous version of her mother to emerge from him.

"I know you do, Jude."

"Do you? Do you know that he loves me too?"

"On some levels, yes."

Before she could stop herself, she was putting it all out on the table.

"He makes me so happy and he cares for me so much. He cares for me in ways Shay and, I don't think, Jaime ever could. Sometimes, when it's just me and him in the studio, he'll do something as simple as put his arm around my shoulder and kiss the top of my head and he'll look at me and smile his wonderful smile and at that moment, I know it's destiny. We're meant for each other. The way he talks to me and looks at me and just says my name... I know he loves me. He's said it, but he doesn't have to. I just _feel _it. I know he wants me and it feels good. And I never want it to stop. Ever." Jude stopped herself, panting as she'd run out of air halfway through her confession. No one knew about her and Tommy. No one knew about her feelings or his and to finally get it out was pure relief. Relief felt short-lived, though. The line remained silent, her words hanging in the air. "Dad?"

"I want you to be happy, Jude. I also want you to know that I'll support you and him with all of this."

She felt on the verge of tears. Someone was finally happy for her and was okay with everything.

"You can't tell anyone."

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you... for calling." Her voice shook from everything. "Next time, though, don't wait so long to call. I love you, Dad. Really. And... everything that happened? Let's just put it to rest. I've... missed you."

"I've missed you too, Jude. When you're next performance?"

She smiled and laughed, feeling as if her old dad was back.

"I have something next week. You can come if you want."

"I wouldn't miss it."

She stood up from her improvised Indian-style position, stretching the kinks from her legs. She glanced down at her watch, hating that she had to cut the conversation short.

"I've gotta go, though."

"Alright, honey. Remember, though. If you need anything – to talk, to ask for something, _anything_ – I'm right here. It's gonna be okay. You and Tommy are going to be okay."

"Thanks, Dad... for everything..."


	19. Winterization Out of Sight

This chapter has been BEGGING me to write it and so... I must. (Otherwise, it's threatened to find a way to block IS from me. EVIL chapter...)

The hiatus is lifted... sort of. We'll just have to see what happens.

_Both _Verse & Point _and _Stockholm Syndrome_ should be updated by Tuesday. (Hopefully...)_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 18 / Winterization Out of Sight

They'd escaped to the "Island" sometime that afternoon, giving Kwest explicit instructions to tell whoever asked for them that Jude had left and Tommy went out as well just not together. It was comfortable there; no one went into Studio A unless it was to "audition" prospective artists or to tie up loose ends on an album. They were safe from prying eyes and probing accusations when they were in her hideaway.

"I like it in here. It's like... we're normal." They sat on the carpeting once again, sprawled out on one another. Tommy laughed heartily.

"We are normal, girl. At least, _I _am." He ducks back, dodging her hand before she can hit him.

"Yeah yeah... you're about as normal as you can be given..." She bites her lip and looks away, smiling.

"Given what?" He eyes her suspiciously, grabbing her and pulling her onto his lap. She giggles, trying to push him off. "Tell me!"

"That you're a boy-bander." He lets her go, holding his chest in mock-pain.

"I'm deeply offended by that."

"Aww, poor Tommy Q." She smiled in her pseudo-concern but stayed in his lap, lying against him. It was comfortable and she did indeed feel normal. It was short lived though, the voices mocking her in her happiness. _Tell him, Jude. Tell him you told your father. _"Shut up," she whispered under her breath. Laughter broke out in her head.

"What?" Her eyes shot up to Tommy defensively.

"Huh? Nothing. What?" His brow crinkled in questioning.

"You said, 'shut up.' Who were you talking to?"

"No one," she shot back. Her face melted into dreadful resolve. "I told."

"Told? Told what?" His demeanor was quickly changing into a state of quiet agitation. He moved her from on top of him, turning to face her. "What did you tell, Jude?"

"About us. I told my father." She looked away from his gaze, waiting for him to explode. She peeked from the corner of her eye and he wore his trademarked mask of shock. Her blood ran cold, a familiar chill and darkness overtaking her. "Let me explain though... He's cool with it. He says he supports us and that he doesn't care."

He'd ages ago given up his spot next to Jude, standing bent over the sound board.

"How could you? You... of all ppl." He raked his hands through his hair. "You know what your mother's doing and you go and tell your father? Jude, what the hell were you thinking?"

Anxiety coursed through every nerve and synapse of her body. She felt like she was on fire, that every ounce of strength and will to speak was drained from her at that moment. The laughter in her head turned into a hissing silence, a choral effort of the lot of 'them' to taunt her, tease her, and drive her to the points she's long since given up going to. _What the hell have you done, Jude? _She bit back her mental attacks bitterly.

"He's not going to betray me... us. He promised me. It's ok. Nothing bad will happen." The ground shook beneath her, dizziness taking hold of her footing as she began to get up. The warm place she'd just been was gone. Things were spinning too fast. Things were moving far beyond her comprehension. "He has our backs on this, Tommy."

"I can't believe you." Tommy looked over at her, horror filling ever line of his face. His hands shook against the knobs he turned nervously. "Don't you get it? This will ruin us. This will end us."

"No... it won't. I promise."

"You can't promise that," he bit back, staring at her furiously. He backed away from the panel and moved towards the door, never taking his eyes off Jude.

She knew what he was doing.

"Tommy, NO." She nearly ran to him, but everything was too much. She stood in the middle of the studio, desperation causing her to tremble. "Don't go."

"Just... let me get some air." Tommy reached for the door knob.

"Don't... please. Tommy. Tommy! Tommy..."

"I just need to think this through, ok Jude?" He nodded his head in agreement but didn't wait on her answer before he left. She saw his shadow disappear out of the side door, everything disintegrating around her. She fell to her knees, sobs pinning her face to the floor. He was gone. She's pushed him away. She's broken everything that was ok.

Never in her life had she felt so hopeless. She knew what it meant when he "went for air". He was going to rethink them. He was going to change his mind. He was going to pretend it never happened. The thought stopped her tears, a small laugh entering the picture. She couldn't help but feel somewhat amused by the way she was able to fuck up her life.

She rocked herself back and forth, wanting everything to stop. There was no god to help her now. She was alone. She was done. He was done with her. A sleepy hollowness filled her body with a lethargic murmur of dread.

_If it's over... so am I. They will never know I'm gone. I'll go. I'll disappear. I'll run. Does he still love me? Are we still _it_? I don't want this... I never wanted any of this... Why... Why..._

* * *

Tommy drove around aimlessly, thoughts pouring from everywhere. He couldn't escape his internal battle of words. He couldn't stop screaming at himself.

_That was stupid, Quincy. You shouldn't have walked out like that. Now she thinks you hate her. _

_But I had to go. I was already saying stupid shit... I couldn't say anymore. Oh god... The look on her face... I'm going to hell for this one day. _

_Maybe you're already in hell. _

_No, I'm not. I lost my cool. I ran though. I just walked out. Dammit, my phone! It's her. I can't talk to her right now. Why'd she have to tell her dad? Why couldn't she just keep quiet? _

_But maybe she's right, Tom. Maybe he will be on your side. _

_Like that will happen. It's her 16th all over again. I'm keeping this so under wraps. It's killing me. It's killing us. I can't do this anymore. I love her. I fucking love her and it means something. God, will she please quit calling right now? I'll talk to her later. I'll tell her it's ok and that I'm sorry. I'll tell her that I want to go public. _

_Is that the safe thing? The wise thing? Especially with Victoria. And Sadie. Kwest, Georgia, all of Toronto?_

_It is! It's the RIGHT thing! This is what I want. This is what she wants. I have to find Mr. Harrison. I have to talk to him. Smooth things out. _

_You need to call Jude._

_I will. Shut up! I'll talk to her. She thinks I'm leaving her. I'm not leaving her. I'd never do that. I never want to. I'll fix this. I'll say I'm sorry and..._

_And it'll be just like all the other times. You're killing her._

_No... It's different. This will be okay. This will be okay... I'm Thomas fucking Quincy. This will be okay!_

He pulled his car over, the cell phone ringing for the seventh time. He declined the call, dialing directory assistance instead.

"_What listing?" _The voice chimed away automatically from the receiver.

"Stuart Harrison..."


	20. Toast to the Future but That’s be a Lie

I swear to god. I wake up in the morning, some far off dream still playing in the back of my mind, and all I can think of is, "I want to write." (And not just on my FF's). That... and I'm crawling into the shower realized that I dreamed of Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Tommy's on there YET AGAIN. Dammit, boy! I really need a new hobby. lol

I have direction for this story! I actually know how it'll end (whenever it actually does) and where I want it to really go. I swear; it's liberating. Hopefully, I'll be able to kick this writer's block that's been plaguing me and just plow through. I have so much in store!

Things are about to get interesting... Enjoy...

PS: I've been listening to a shit load of Sister Hazel. Please believe... I've gotta radio.blog all of these songs one day. lol. But yeah... they are the driving force for the next few chapters.

PSS: An upcoming _V&P_ installment will have an SH song featured. LOOK FOR IT!

PSSS: Yes, this chapter is long. Haha... I told you! I've got my muse!

* * *

Chapter 19 / Toast to the Future but That's be a Lie

Jude let Tommy's phone ring its 10th finale, finally growing tired of the sound. She quickly dialed her voicemail, changing the message to something that could only be called cryptic. She was pleased with it that way. It told so much to mean so little. She was done with everything and everyone.

_It's been great, my lovely.  
It was so simple; I loved you, Tom Quincy.  
Where will I be when I stop asking why?  
I'd toast to the future, but that'd be a lie._

She turned off her cell phone, tossing it in her bag. She grabbed it and her notebook, leaving her guitar in the corner, sighing to it before she turned to leave. _It really was great, my friend._

She quietly left G-Major, giving her unmarked goodbyes to Georgia, EJ, Kwest, and the building she'd used for the past year. She mentally noted how she'd gone in with a bang and was leaving in silence. _It's best, Jude. _

She was so tired. She was tired of the longing, the love, and the loneliness of it all. She was tired of the hurt and drama. She was tired of screaming and crying and never feeling good enough for the people who'd all walked away. Today, she'd walk away. She'd leave those people to deal with her gone and would find her own warmth and compassion. Going was her destiny and no one would be able to dissect her path. It was what they wanted all along, anyway. She'd give them their final resting and she was through with giving.

It would be all her.

Jude thought of where she would go, quickly thinking of the small house her family had in the "country". She smiled against the bittersweet remembrance of her house and how it was now tainted with the same old Tommy. The house where he'd kissed her sister, where she'd seen them do it. The house where everything felt so right to be so wrong. Her old, glorified refuge turned into a mocking shadow that only reminded her of how foolish she was, but she'd return. Return solely for a roof over her head and to dwell in the sadomasochistic echoes of something that should be, to replay over and over again the scenes of their history.

She walked towards the nearest pay phone to call a cab, not daring to turn on her cell phone lest she turn back to incessantly dialing Tommy's number. She wouldn't turn back now, not while she felt her most faltered strength.

"_Dot Taxis?" _

"I need a cab." The woman seemed so cheerful; a stark contrast to the scruffy tone Jude had taken on. Jude rattled off an address and the woman said a car would be there within twenty minute to pick her up. "Thanks..."

She softly put the phone back on its hook, and waited for her ride. It arrived quickly but not quickly enough. Again, Jude was rattling off an address, glad the guy knew where it was.

The ride was a short fifty bucks, scenery passed and forgotten. Her mind was black and empty save for the unceremonious silent hissing that still whistled in and out. She made her way to the front door, instantly taken aback by the familiar sights and smells. She braced herself for nothing and opened the front door. The same pictures and trophies lined the mantle; the same pictures and trophies that were Sadie's that Tommy seemed to enjoy. She huffed a short laugh as she turned her back to them, instantly going back and shoving them to the floor. She grabbed random pieces here and there, throwing them around the small living room. An old, semi-faded picture of her and her sister hung above the fireplace. She stared at it, hating it for everything that it was worth. Her fist went impulsively to the center, glass shattering, her hand ripped to near shreds. She looked down at her knuckles, a bloody, bruised mess, and laughed. She shook her head, dropping her hand to her side, allowing the blood to drip onto worn rug. She enjoyed the way the crimson complimented its rust tones.

_I'm alone. Finally, I'm alone. No one knows. No one will find me. I'm dead to them._

Jude passed the pine table Tommy and she had decided to write together at. She picked up one of the papers still remaining, realizing it was bits and pieces of their song. She ripped it up, biting the inside of her mouth to stop herself from crying. It was an act of futility, the brininess stinging as it made its way down her face.

_I'm so alone. God, I don't want to be alone! _

_You will be. It's destiny._

She walked with cloudy vision towards her room at the back of the house. It was as bleak as the future she imagined for herself now that everything had finally been broken beyond repair. She laid down, praying the rocking would lull her to sleep and kill the pain that was aching to kill her. In that moment she wanted to die, even contemplated it. She knew she wouldn't. She feared fucking that up too; her failed attempt turning into a front page story. She'd be damned if she'd be ridiculed for not even killing herself right.

Sleep finally overtook her; her thoughts her wistful songs of goodnight.

_Your lonely destiny..._

_

* * *

_

Tommy had reached Stuart Harrison and was meeting him at the same shop he'd had it out with Victoria. He waited patiently in _their_ corner booth, remembering how he and Jude had shared many evenings surrounded by empty coffee cups and laughing about nothing but the caffeine high they were floating on. He couldn't help but sorrowfully smile, thinking about yet another fight they'd had and how it was completely juxtaposed to the lightness they shared any other time. He cursed whatever damning Fate decided that they'd always dance in such a psychotic waltz, hate and glory one in the same.

The familiar jangle of the door announced Stuart's arrival, Tommy standing to invite him to their other island. Stuart sat, Tommy noticing how he wasn't the same straight-laced music fiend he'd met months before. He reminded him of himself, hair messy and polo hanging as if on a mannequin.

_Is this going to be me?_ Tommy leaned back, thinking over the idea and all that Jude had told him of her father. They held similar ideals, but one thing stood out to him: Stuart's affair. That would be one thing he'd never do to Jude; he never would nor could cheat on her.

"So, Tommy... why'd you call me here?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah..." Tommy shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Jude told me... what she told you. To put it bluntly, I didn't believe her when she told me you were ok with this."

"Why not?"

Tommy but couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of his question.

"Like you don't know what's going down with her mother. Come on!"

"Victoria is crazy. You know this as much as I do."

"Yeah, but she's still Jude's mother, just like you are her father. How do I know you aren't trying to set shit up? How do I know you aren't going to do something worse than what Ms. Harrison already wants to do?"

"I'm been there, Tommy. The same place you're at right now? I've been there."

Tommy crossed his arms over his chest, giving Stuart an eye of suspicion and an arrogant grin.

"Alright. Tell me..."

Stuart leaned back, matching Tommy's cocky smile.

"I'd just met Victoria. I was 21; she was 16..." Tommy straightened up his posture, waiting for him to continue. "I'd just returned home from uni, summer break, and she'd moved next door..."


	21. I Like the Way You Still Say Please

Ok, people! Start commenting or... or... Ok, so I won't quit writing but god dammit! sobs I'm a junkie. I'm so much of a comment junkie... don't you see that I need a fix? Should I slow down my posting? Just write and not update right away? Am I getting boring or complicated? Tell me!

God, that was a "Jude moment". (Remind me to quit watching IS episodes for a while.) I'm frikkin' grown and have become influenced. At least my hair was super cherry red before IS existed. LOL

I like writing from a guy's perspective. It just... flows. That's gotta be wrong on some level since I'm so much of a... _girl, _but this has been epic. I had to get this out for this chapter. Sure, I could have broken it down into two, but I have things revolving around it being this long. Trust me.

And... Is it just me or does Tommy's history remind you of Robbie Williams? I mean... (Follow me while I compare and contrast the real from fiction.)  
---They both were the youngest members of an up-and-coming boy band, the favorite.  
---They both split to go out on solo ventures.  
---Both are music moguls in their own right.  
---They both have that cool, cocky, laid back style.  
I could go on and on but... just Google "Robbie Williams". Serious to god, yo. It's... too coincidental. I think they looked for a mold for Tommy and found it in RW.  
I think I have a new idea for a new story.  
_Oh, Bri! Please stop!_  
**HELL NO. No thanks.**

God, I need a life!

For the record, if you see similarities between this and any ep of IS you've seen... Bri has skills. ;)

And yeah... Jude's lost it.

* * *

Chapter 19 / I Like the Way You Still Say Please

Stuart took note of how interested Tommy was at the upcoming story. He settled himself in to share his long-loved photographic memory, hoping it would unnerve him as mush as it was meant to. He cracked his neck, before divulging a meaningless secret, meaningless until now.

"I was 21; she was 16. I'd just returned from uni for summer break; she'd moved in next door during my absence..."

"_Hi!" The young blonde bounced up to Stuart, smiling brightly in his direction. "I'm Victoria, but call me Vee. I've never liked the name Victoria very much. What's you're name?"_

_Stuart was breath taken for a second before composing himself in the cool demeanor he'd adopted while in college. He grinned at the girl, mentally taking in the way her hair fell in relaxed ringlets down her back, the way the cotton of her dress became translucent in the afternoon sun, and how she was curved in such a way that it made him miss his hometown. He pushed away the fantasy and extended his hand chivalrously. _

"_Stuart Harrison."_

"_Harrison, like that guy from The Beatles?"_

_His grin extended into a full-blown smile. He was obsessed with The Beatles and to have this beauty comparing him, even if accidentally, to one of its members endeared him. He gave her a nod._

"_Yeah... like him. Do you like 'em?"_

"_They're ok. They confuse me sometimes." She bit her lip and stared down at her shoes. She glanced up at him expectantly. "Maybe... you could explain them to me sometime?"_

"_I'd like that." He rocked back and forth on his heals, lost in her bashfulness. "So... are you in university?"_

_She giggled slightly._

"_No, silly! I'm in grade 10. Well, about to go to grade 11."_

_Stuart's face fell._

"_Oh. So you're... how old?"_

"_Sweet Sixteen! How old are you?" She stared at him doe eyed, beaming._

"_Twenty-one. About to be in my fourth year."_

"_That's... nice. I can't wait until I'm twenty-one." _

Me either,_ Stuart thought to himself. _

"_Well, I gotta go. I guess I'll see you around."_

"_Sure!"_

_Stuart turned and left, the girl still on his brain. He felt bad for being attracted to a child, but she seemed nice enough. It would be ok to have new friends. _

"And that's just when I met her. She really was beautiful, but you know. She was _sixteen_."

"I know what you mean. I mean..." Tommy scratched the back of his neck. "I'll be honest, Mr. Harrison. I thought something similar when I saw Jude on her sixteenth birthday."

Stuart laughed at Tommy's visual discomfort from his divulgence.

"Yeah, I kind of caught that."

"You did?" Tommy's eyes grew a little, shifting them.

"Mmmhmm... but back to the story. Things progressed rapidly for us..."

"_And that's what they meant with 'I am the Walrus', Vee." She eyed him, smiling slightly. "What?"_

"_I dunno..." She leaned in and kissed him, Stuart caught in the moment. He pulled her away from him abruptly. He wasn't sure what to say so remained silent. _

"_Oh jeez... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just like you. I'm sorry." She twisted her hair around her fingers, slightly red faced. Embarrassment? Breathlessness? Stuart wasn't sure. _

"_No need to apologize and... I like you too but..." He stared down at the album in his hands, scrutinizing the way John's hair was combed and how Ringo looked stoned. _

"_It's because I'm young, huh?" He couldn't help but catch her stare, her eyes showing an emotion he wasn't able to call. She seemed so eager for his response._

"_Yeah, I mean... you're a great girl and fun to be around and I really do like you but this isn't right." He gave her an apologetic smile, her face brightening unexpectedly._

"_I won't tell."_

"_What?"_

"_We could go out but in secret. Then it would be ok."_

"_Vee, no, it still wouldn't be right."_

"_Please? Just try it. It won't be so bad. You know you want to." She smiled coyly, getting closer to his face. "Come ooooon... Pleeeeeease..." _

_Stuart thought over the proposition sitting in front of him. He really liked Victoria. She was just a nice girl and he found that he loved being around her more than anyone he'd dated while at university, and while he knew it was wrong – she was a child; he was an adult – he couldn't help but consider the temptation. It would be a complicated mess if word got out on their "secret affair" but it couldn't hurt to give it a go. She really was special. Special laugh that made him tingle, special smile that made him melt, special looks and how she'd grab his hand when they walked. Yes, he would give it a try._

"Jesus, I know about secrets. Jude's been keeping mine since that night." Tommy startled himself at his mentioning. Stuart didn't notice, caught up in his recollections.

"Well, it was good going in the beginning. To her parents and mine and everyone else, she was the doting neighbor and I was the babysitter. Yes, I said babysitter. It grew really old really fast. 'Oh, Vicki just went over to the neighbor boy's. He doesn't mind looking after her while we're gone.' Yeah, that type of stuff."

"How did you deal?"

"I didn't." Stuart sighed, rubbing his hand down his face. "I called it quits for a while. It broke her heart."

"_Victoria?" She winced at her full name. Stuart studied the tiny hand he held, afraid of what would happen if he went through with his plans. He had to, though, for them. When she was a bit older and they could be what they'd secretly been in public, he'd be able to be with her like he really wanted. This was no way for them to be._

"_Yeah?"_

"_I think... I think we should stop this." He looked over to her; she was already crying._

"_Stop what?" She was crying harder now. It took everything Stuart had not to grab her and tell her to forget what he was leading up to. He couldn't do that. This was the right thing to do._

"_Us. I think we should go back to being just friends." He hugged her tightly._

"_Why? No one knows, no one says anything, no one is onto us. We're okay, S." He smiled at how she always shortened his name to a single letter. Her joke was that it was "V and S vs. the World", explaining that versus was shortened to a "v" and an "s". "Don't you like me anymore?"_

"_Of course I do! It's not that..."_

"_My age, I know."_

"_That and... people call me your _babysitter_, Vee."  
_

"_Screw what they call you!" He was shocked at her language and volume. "I love you, S. I really do and... don't end us. Please..."_

Stuart was aggravated with that point in their story. It wouldn't be the last time he'd hurt her but that was the first. Even today, it still bothered him to think of his Vee, bright and shining, begging him not to leave her. He shook away the nagging thoughts, knowing it was the past and he and Victoria had long since evolved and mutated from the two people they once were. Tommy spoke up to his broken silence.

"Mr. Harrison, I have to ask you something and... it's not good. Jude's your daughter and I'm about to say this to her father, but try to think of it objectively."

Stuart turned his head to the side and stared Tommy up and down. He wasn't exactly sure how to take the request but thought that he could, as Tommy said, try to be unbiased.

"Go on."

"See," Tommy turned to look at his Viper parked next to the building, then returning to Stuart. "How do I keep from hurting her? I don't mean to but, as my friend Kwest says, I'm an idiot. It's just that, I know how I am and while I know Jude's so much better than me, I can't help but act the way I would if I were talking to myself. She's so... afraid of me. Not in the sense you're thinking but in the sense of... She thinks I'm forever going to leave her."

"Why would she think that? Have you done anything to maker her think that way?"

"Where do I begin? I dated and went to Europe with Sadie, as you know, and she thought I picked Sadie over her. I didn't! That's the thing. We broke up because I couldn't shake my need for Jude. And then there was _the kiss." _

"What kiss?" Stuart's interest had been piqued, waiting for Tommy to explain.

"Why the hell am I telling you this?" Tommy sighed loudly. "Anyway... The night of her sixteenth birthday party, after the Shay ordeal, I went outside into the alley where Jude had run off too. She was crying, asking how she could fix herself so that people would like her how she liked them, and one thing led to another and I kissed her. But I panicked. I knew things would get bad if it went any further. I told her... _begged _her to say that it never happened and she did. I hated asking her to forget it. I didn't want to but I had to find a way to fix things."

Stuart sat quiet for a moment, trying to take in what Tommy had told him. On one hand, he was furious that he'd do something as horrible as that to his daughter. On the other, it wasn't much different than what he'd done to Victoria all those years ago. He swallowed his anger and tried to throw out the wisest thing he could think of.

"If you know what you're doing, why do you do it? I imagine that you think about what to say and how to say it, but you just have to let it flow naturally. I've noticed that you're very closed off with people. If you love Jude like she says you do, then you have to realize that love means openness. You can't really love someone until you're able to share everything you have regardless if it's painful or bad or whatever else."

"I know this on some level, but all of those years with BoyzAttack! and the paparazzi and women only getting close to have their names appear in print the next day, they take their toll. I don't... I don't know how to be open like that anymore."

"Yes you do; you just hate doing something you aren't good at."

Tommy couldn't help but laugh, the robustness bringing comedic tears to his eyes.

"Damn! I see where Jude gets her sixth sense from." He wiped his eyes, still chuckling under his breath. "But yeah. How did you and Victoria ever reconnect? How'd you get her back?"

"Ironically enough, on her birthday..."

* * *

Jude sat hunched up in the corner of the living room surrounded by scattered trophies and ribbons. She couldn't quit thinking of Tommy and decided that if she was to think of him, she'd do it to completeness. She thought of how she met him and the day at the pier; every hug, fight, sideways smile, and song they'd ever written together. _You're losing it, Jude._

"I ALREADY _HAVE_!" She growled to herself viciously.

She sang softly, small eruptions of maniacal cackling interrupting from time to time.

"_Time to be your only one..."_

"Lies. All of it. Fucking lies!" She slammed her battered fist against the wall. She wanted pain and felt she needed it. It was a good feeling.

"_Time to be your twenty-one..."_

"Die die die die die... Please stop... Please get out of my head. Yes, I am crazy. No, I'm NOT crazy! Don't you lie. You always lie." Jude hit her temple with her wrist. "Shut up or I'll shut you up. No, don't shut up. Let's talk this out. Why are you so mean to me? What have I done to you? I'll fucking kill you... I swear to god! It hurts... Do you feel it? It hurts... I did it... I drove him away. I did it. I knew I would. I pushed Shay away. I pushed Jaime away. He was my friend though. He said he loved me. Why can't we just be friends? I pushed Tommy away. I hope he thinks I'm dead. I hope he's worried about me. I hope he never thinks of me again. Please stop. Go away."

Jude argued with the jumbled thoughts and merciless voices that swirled in her head. Still, the thoughts of dying were the only things to permeate the blue-grey oceans she felt taking her under. She couldn't get them to stop.

"You will NOT kill yourself, Harrison!"

She mumbled off her verbal suicide letter to the missing audience for whom it was intended.

"Dear Mom... I'm dead. My fault for not being Sadie. I know she was the best. Dear Sadie... Are you fucking happy now? Go ahead. Tommy's free. I won't ruin your life anymore. Dear Dad... Do you miss me? Don't tell Yvette I'm dead. I don't want her at the funeral. Dear Jaime and Kat... I hope you two always stay together. I missed you guys when I was alive. Dear G-Major... I'm sorry for breaking my contract. Maybe Kwest can remix my first CD, that way you can get another album out. I'm sorry I was always so whatever. Dear Shay... It's funny that you left me for Eden when I'm hoping you two will rot in hell. Where's the Tree of Life when you need it? Dear Tommy... I really did love you... You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm sorry I told my dad. I'm sorry that I was always so immature and angsty. Please... Sadie's waiting for you. I just can't care anymore. Sorry I had to go but I guess that's what was needed. I hope your life will be ok. I love you..."

Jude tried to laugh but could only find herself crying. She brought the back of her hand to her cheek.

"Shhh... Don't cry, girl. It's ok. I love you. Don't say it... But I do. I love you too, Tommy." She rocked herself, singing one again, the same line on repeat.

"_Time to be your twenty-one... Time to be... your twenty-one... Twenty-one... Twenty-one..."_


	22. Lord, I’m in Purgatory

DAMN! You all sure know how to feed an addiction! 16 reviews for chapter 20. SWEET. I feel loved... (sniff)

To just sum things up for a few of the comments I got, here goes: It is THAT serious... to Jude, but my A/N's tend to kill speculation. And... DAMMIT, YO. Someone threw in some speculation and well... you're getting close to my surprises so I won't sway or un-sway your thought process. (Then again, if it seems like I've gripped your question hardcore, then well... haha. There you go!) And... I never thought people would flip seeing Jude go crazy! Haha... Trust me... the battle is long and the time is dark... it ain't over until I want it over so enjoy her insanity. (Doesn't THAT sound sadistic?)

But yes... Here's to it, loves!

PS: I really need to edit all of my damned chapter numberings. I've got (2) chapter 17's and 19's. LORD SAVE ME!

PSS: Nirvana played during this chapter. ;)

* * *

Chapter 21 / Lord, I'm in Purgatory

God, she looks gorgeous. _Stuart couldn't help but be amazed by the girl he'd let go only a couple of months earlier. The two of them drifted apart after he broke up with her, barely a "hello" said since that day. And here he was, standing uncomfortably in his suit and tie, at her seventeenth birthday party; a party she didn't invite him too. _

_It'd been a balmy August day when her mother had approached him, smiling in a fashion that resembled her daughters._

"_Stuart, are you going to come to Victoria's party tomorrow night?"_

_He took in the question, processed it, and got giddy at the thought that she wanted him to be there._

"_Does she want me there?"_

"_I would suppose so. Why wouldn't she?"_

Because you're asking me and not her?

"_No reason, Mrs. Chesterfield. Just a passing question, I guess. I'll be there, no worries." _Like hell I'd miss it! _The woman gave her goodbyes and walked back towards her house. Stuart had just stood there, contemplating the moves he'd make when he finally saw her._

_He missed her. He missed her more than he'd ever missed anything. _

_She walked happily around the small hall, if it could be called that, her parents rented for the evening. She had on the prettiest, softest aqua dress that hit every spot it should in perfection. Stuart couldn't help but long for her in that dress. Stuart also couldn't help noticing that she never looked at him or in his direction as if to say he was there by mistake. After what seemed like ten forevers, he saw her come in his direction._

"_Hey, S."_

"_Hey, Vee. Happy birthday..." He leaned over and pecked her softly on the cheek. "You look great."_

"_Thanks..." She swayed back and forth, looking around the room. "So, I'm seventeen."_

_He smiled at her warmly._

"_How does it feel?"_

"_Ok..." She looked over her shoulder, mumbling. "Not old enough."_

_She pulled at the heart strings she'd long played. He couldn't let this go on any longer. He couldn't stand seeing her so distant, wanting her more than he was able to say. _

"_Vee? Will you step outside with me for a second? It's just so loud in here." _

_She nodded, leading the way out into the hallway. It was bright, too bright, for his head to handle. Pain slashed through his temples and mixed with the urges he had to just ramble on and on about how sorry he was and how he never wanted to break up, that he never stopped thinking about her. He suppressed them for the time being, rationalizing that it wouldn't help matters if he didn't approach the subject clearly. _

"_Did you want to talk?" She looked over at him, watching as he looked everywhere but at her. "Stuart?"_

"_You didn't have to stop coming over."_

"_I didn't want you to have to baby sit me."_

"_I wouldn't have thought that."_

"_Everyone else would, remember?"_

"_Screw ev...er...y..." The split second realization put an abrupt halt to the rapid fire banter. It wasn't until that moment did he realize what she'd felt that day when she was telling him to forget what people said and he couldn't. Now, she was playing his game too well and it stung. Wasn't she only supposed to be seventeen? "What if..."_

"_What if what?"_

"_What if I wanted you back? What if I hated never seeing you? What if I couldn't stop thinking about you? What if I was the walrus?" He couldn't stop his babbling words nor did he want to. He felt like the most horrible of persons and he couldn't stand to let her just forever be gone. Clarity was officially lost. "What if I was sorry? Sorrier than ever? What if I didn't give a damn what people said? What if I wanted to forget you were seventeen and my hang-ups with your age? What if I..." _

_She held up her hand, bringing to a close his on-going game of "What if?" only to begin her own modified and simplified version._

"_What if I still felt bad? What if it still hurt?"_

_Her eyes shown fluid and silvery, hanging onto his not yet received response. Stuart found himself turning back into the emotional teenager he'd been before moving off to school, uneasy and melancholy. He was at a loss for most words. He wracked his brain for an answer, logical, illogical, happy, sad, good, evil. The only think he could think of poured from his lips._

"_I love you and I'm sorry."_

"_Me, too."_

"_Marry me."_

"_Marry you?"_

"_Yes, marry me."_

"And she did." Tommy stared at him in shock. "Not right away, though. It took a long time to gain back her trust and, even though we had only been apart for two months, she'd changed. She'd grown up. Not to mention her parents weren't all _gung ho_ with the idea. They wanted to protect their only daughter and made my life hell. I think I went through more hell with them than I did with Victoria."

"Mr. Harrison, that... I can't believe that worked. I mean, it's a nice story and it has a good 'happily ever after' ending but that's... Jude would have smacked me."

Stuart couldn't help but to snort at his last remark, visualizing his feisty daughter hitting Tommy at his proposal.

"She probably would, actually. That's Jude for you."

"I have to ask you this though. If you know what happened with you and Victoria in the end, why are you giving your support for us? Me and Jude? Me and you seem to have the same story but you're okay with me being with your daughter?"

Stuart took Tommy's question into deep consideration. He was right after all. To anyone else, Stuart and Tommy were at the same crossroads and were living near identical stories, but to Stuart, they were miles apart.

"Because you aren't me, Tommy."

"Ok... explain."

"The stories are the same – grown men with an issue but not being able to help who we've connected and fallen for – but you aren't me. If anything, I am Jude and you are Victoria."

Tommy's eyes squinted trying to follow Stuart's logic.

"Now I'm completely lost."

Stuart mentally arranged his explanation into neat little points, settling on a final thought.

"You and Victoria both live in the world of 'if it isn't said, it isn't a problem'. Jude and I can't deal with it. It has to be in the open otherwise we can't help but question it. Is it real? Is it ok? Are we ok? Is this wrong? See, secrets and hiding aren't us. I mean, look what happened with Yvette. I wanted to tell the truth so many times, but the only reason I didn't was because I knew what would happen. Secrets turn into lies, Tommy, and lies tear us apart."

* * *

Jude slid her hands over her ears, breathing deeply and closing her eyes, screaming as loud as she could. She stopped, gasping for air, screaming again. Rawness burned in the back of her throat.

She couldn't stop screaming.

* * *

Sadie sat in front of her illuminated vanity, her makeup a running amalgamation of tears and anger. She pulled her hair from her face and tied it back, looking closely at her reflection.

_Hey, Jude. Jude this. Jude that. Jude is the prize-winning, top notch, golden child now. Why'd you have to take Tommy? It wasn't like I didn't like the guy. Hell, I almost loved him. But whatever Jude wants Jude gets, right? _

Sadie was pissed. It had been a long time since she'd really sat and thought about Tommy and a longer time since she'd cried over it. She couldn't help it, though. Not today. It marked the "anniversary" to the day her and Tommy had kissed at her family's farm house. Sure, she could admit that in the beginning, it was a thrill chasing after Tommy – the guy she'd lusted after since he was in BoyzAttack! – and a bigger thrill seeing Jude squirm, knowing she was closing in on him and Jude couldn't take him away. But she was wrong. Jude took her father, her diamond plated world, and then Tommy, the guy she'd really fallen for and who wanted her for more than all the other guys she'd dated.

The more she thought of it, the madder Sadie became. She wanted to tell Jude all of this.

She reached for the phone on her nightstand, dialing her sister's number, ready to give the girl hell. Sadie was quickly greeted with the eerie voice of a sniveling Jude, professing love for Tommy and giving her somewhat skewed goodbye.

"Jude, this is Sadie... Just wanted to... talk... You know the number..."

Sadie wasn't sure if she was more angry or disturbed at that moment, but she dialed Tommy's number anyway. He picked up, his voice anxious.

"_Jude?_"

Sadie couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"No, it's Sadie."

"_Oh, hey. What's up?_"

"Nothing much. Have you talked to Jude?"

"_Not in the past few hours, no. Why?_"

"So you haven't heard her voicemail message?"

"_No... But I've heard it before, Sadie._"

Sadie stood, going for her purse to get her cell phone. She dialed Jude's number again, holding the receiver against the other one. She knew it'd finished she went back to talking to Tommy.

"Ok, that. What the hell?" Silence. "Tommy? Hello? You still there?"

"_Meet me at G-Major._"

_Oh... my... GOD! WHAT THE HELL? _ To say Sadie was annoyed would have minimized her current emotion to the point of non-existence.

"Why?"

"_I think something has gone really wrong._"


	23. 3 ½ Times Blue Monday

This has been one hell of a chapter to write. This is my third – count it with me now: 1, 2, **3** – time to write it (i.e. from the beginning) and it's just been... hell. Going through countless titles, ideas, and plot twists, I knew it had to be some simblence of good. It's the jump off for the resolve; everything up to this point has built up to this moment. (It won't feel like it, but trust me.) I kept questioning whether or not I REALLY wanted to play the cards I was wanting to, and... well... I am. Because, DAMMIT. This is my story and be damned if I second-guess myself. (Now you see how I'm so "good" at writing Jude's insanity. lol)

I cannot say it's going to be the best chapter since toast, but... I'm trying. Consider this one of those bad chapters that's necessary to push the story ahead. I'm sorry in advance for it sucking so much.

There is a good bit left to this bad boy and... just keep on the look out.

I want to thank everyone now for all of the comments I've been receiving. It's an ego boost to know people really are enjoying something you put out there, even if it is just fan fiction. It... It feels good. The end. Thank you everyone.

So yes... On to today's traffic...

* * *

Chapter 22 / 3 ½ Times Blue Monday

Everything after Sadie's call was a blur. He vaguely remembered giving Stuart "another time" to finish their discussion and quickly bolted out of the door. He jumped in his car and the simple seven minute drive turned into a dizzying half hour excursion, turns missed and lights run. He'd tried calling her himself, hoping she wasn't answering because she thought it was either Sadie or her mother trying to reach her, praying that she'd answer for him. It wouldn't make a difference. The same ghostly message repeated itself to their planned upon audience.

"_It was so simple; I loved you Tom Quincy." Loved? That's past tense. She must have meant "love". _

He couldn't shake the connotations of goodbye, their previous altercation rushing back and on top of him, guilt soon following suit. He smacked his forehead in frustration, damn near sprinting inside of G Major. Pacing took up the free time before Sadie arrived, and when she did, he nearly jumped on top of her.

"Sadie! Have you gotten in touch with her?"

She just rolled her eyes.

"No, _Tom_, I haven't. Hello to you, too."

"Sorry, sorry." He began pacing yet again; he didn't know what else to do.

"Mind telling me what she meant?" She crossed her arms over her stomach in her signature fashion. "I know Jude's weird and all, but that was just... _creepy._"

"We got into it, sort of, and I just had to get air. She begged me not to, but I _had_ to. She kept calling and I wouldn't answer. Oh, god Sadie. You should've seen her face when I left. It was just like last time." He looked up from his incoherency, finally noticing the way she wasn't paying attention. "Sadie? Are you even listening?"

"Yeah. You two fought, you left, and she went all super psycho. Mmmhmm."

"Yeah..." He searched her face to figure out what she was thinking, nothing to coming to him in her blank stares. "Tell me something – do you even care?"

"You kind of have to look at who you're telling this to."

"Sadie..."

"We both know Jude and how she's overly emotional. More than likely, she turned off her phone and is sitting in the park with her guitar, writing yet _another _song."

To say her apathy pissed him off would have nullified the feeling. _Didn't she hear what Jude said at all? _She was beginning to creep onto his bad side.

"I have a feeling this is worse than her turning off her phone to write a song."

"But she's always like this! I know it. You know it. I don't know why you're freaking out. It's _Jude _for Christ's sake!"

"Have you talked to her lately? At all? She's not good, Sadie."

"Of course not." She gave him a slight sneer.

"I can't believe you don't fucking care!"

"I don't care because this is the same drama card she pulls every damn time something goes wrong!"

Tommy fought the urge to yell, composing himself and thoughtfully choosing his words.

"If this is about what happened between us, don't take it out on her."

Sadie laughed at his idea, throwing her hands in the air.

"This isn't about _us,_ Tom! This is about Jude and the same old games of hers. She gets upset, cries a little, and everyone is falling at her feet. I'm sorry if I'm not one of them! I love my sister, sure, but it doesn't mean I have to like her or care for her."

Tommy was shocked at her profession. He'd always known that Sadie's and Jude's relationship was strained, even more so after he'd broken up with Sadie, but to know she didn't care for her sister wasn't the easiest pill to swallow.

"That's low even for you."

"No, Tommy, it's the truth." She walked closer to him, narrowing her eyes. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll be going now. I'm not in the mood for another round of Jude's games. I'll see you later, Tommy."

* * *

Sadie didn't look back at Tommy as she coolly and confidently strolled out of G Major. She found herself driving towards the park hoping to prove herself right. She drove around it's perimeter a few times and there was no Jude. In fact, she found the entire place was empty. It didn't sway her opinion on the matter, though, as she turned to go home. In Sadie's mind, she was correct in her assumptions and Jude would show up within a day or two to usher in even more dramatics. She'd done it when she'd run off weeks before, and it was just another day in the life.

Sadie lied through her teeth when she told Tommy it wasn't about them, but she just couldn't let him know it. Seeing him worked up over her sister infuriated her and killed the loving feelings she had for him for the moment. It didn't help her case any, every disgusted look her threw at her caught and filed away. Some small part of her felt bad, but self-made justification overrode most of the feeling. She shook her head to free her mind from the entire thought, talking herself down from the mild guilt that threatened to overtake her. _I will not feel bad for _her_. She's always overreacting. Besides, Jude took what was mine and I'll be damned if she doesn't get at least a small taste of revenge. If I can't have him, neither can you._

Sadie arrived home, pulling up beside her newly arrived mother. It hadn't dawned on her until then what her plan of action would be but now she knew. She hopped out of the car, and merrily walked to and inside of her home.

"Mom!"

"I'm in here, honey!"

She walked towards the kitchen, smiling to herself and the deviousness she found delicious. _Sorry, Jude. A girl has to do what she has to do. Just remember, you brought this on yourself._

"Guess what, Mom?"


	24. The NonFavor House BMinor

Thank you everyone for reviewing the last chapter. I... yeah. Happiness would not have been in the "Bri + Chapter 22" equation. Thanks again... :)

NOW... I have to rock something. I'm buzzing already, the idea having been swimming through this twisted brain of mine all damn day. Combine that with caffeine and a KILLER rock play list (COBAIN LOVE), and I think I may be able to drop some gold. HOPEFULLY.

I'm going to have to do it to you guys – IMPLIED BEHAVIOUR. Why? Let's just say that we haven't heard the last from Sadie. (And Crash, my love, keep on the look out. I won't kill your soul entirely with this story!)

Let's rock this...

PS: TINA! COME GET SOME HAM! (Sorry. Caffeine!)

PSS: I don't think my chapter titles could get any more... obscure.

PSSS: I think I'm actually too good at writing insanity, if that makes sense.

* * *

Chapter 23 / The Non-Favor House B-Minor

Jude screeched her final time, a faint iron taste bathing the back of her tongue. She smiled wearily, making the effort to say her own name.

"J... ude... Har... rison." She forced the sounds from her raw throat, unable to get it above a whisper. She'd done the only thing she knew she could – erase her voice. If she wasn't heard, she didn't exist and she loved the thought of nonexistence. She could slip away in her own obscurity and drown in the muddled and maddening echoes of something that turned to nothing.

Jude walked through the empty house, paper and pen in hand, scribbling random bits of nonsense before throwing them down in their appropriate place. In her mind, she was labeling her current environment to organize the ghosts that lingered in its corners.

_We can breathe again..._

_Lullaby, lullaby... Fair thee well, wake to die._

_Patented and fed upon forever._

The bizarre ritual continued until she'd strewn inked white paper all over the house. She stopped in the dining room and surveyed her work, content. She took a seat in the midst of the ivory tide, swaying from side to side. To the outside world, she'd gone completely insane, but her mind was still racing in sharp precision.

_You should check your messages. You know you want to._

_I want nothing. I don't want to talk to them. They are dead._

_You just don't want to know Tommy hasn't called._

_SHUT UP! YES HE HAS!_

The maddening laughter came once again, Jude's body tensing up. It was the usual war in the usual battlefield. Day in and day out, she argued with herself only to find that _they_ just laughed hysterically and she was left knowing she'd fallen in _their_ trap once again.

* * *

Tommy found himself disturbed and without anyone to turn to in the situation he was now faced with. No one there to be the voice of reason and accomplice in the Jude man-hunt, he placated himself by holing up in Studio B. He absentmindedly mixed and remixed Jude's latest track, hoping it held some mystical magical key to unlock the growing mystery. It left him holding nothing but hollowness and vehement anger.

A small rap came on the door, breaking the hold the song had over him. He turned to find himself face to face with Georgia. He sighed, returning back to his mock-production.

"What's up, Georgia?"

"I just received a call, Tom."

"Yeah? Anything good?" He couldn't fight the sarcasm that framed his words.

"Not really. It was Victoria Harrison."

Bile rose up in his throat at the mentioning of the woman's name. She made him physically sick. She'd wanted him and Jude apart, for him to leave Jude alone, and she'd been granted her wish.

"What was she saying? What other lies is she preaching this time?" He stopped his dial turning, gripping the edge of the desk violently.

"Jude's gone. She's run off again, and from what I hear it's because you and her got into it." Tommy was relatively unaffected, Georgia surveying his every move. She pressed on. "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"_Nothing_ happened, Georgia. I don't know where she is."

"Dammit, Tom!" She slammed her fist down on the edge of the table, Tommy jumping to her outburst. "I thought I told you to cool it with her. I thought I told you Victoria was out to lynch you. I didn't want to know then, but I want to know _now!"_

"What am I supposed to say, huh? We had a fight, I lost my cool and left." He gruffly ran his fingers through his hair, tugging it at the roots. "What else is there to say?"

"Jude wouldn't just leave like that from one of you guy's fights." She turned to gaze inside of the booth, staring the empty stool down. "I heard the voicemail message."

"So have I, Georgia. So have I. And what can I tell you?" Tommy was on the verge or turning irate. Between the "interrogation", knowing Victoria was on his heels, and that Jude was gone, he was close to snapping. "Do you want me to admit that she and I were together? Do you? FINE! We were together! Jude and Me. Me and Jude. TO-GE-THER."

He inhaled sharply, his fingers tracing the lined in the black laminate desktop. _Take that and choke on it everyone._

"She's _seventeen,_ Tom. Do you know what kind of trouble you're facing?"

He grinned devilishly, turning to finally look at Georgia.

"Do you know how much I don't care?"

Georgia stared him down indignantly, her face set in hard lines and acute angles.

"You should."

"Well, I'm tired of caring. I love her and..." Sadness gripped the bottom of his hear, yanking it down into his stomach. "She's gone. She's gone and I don't know where she went or what's up with her. I heard that god damned message of hers and I know she's finally lost it. I knew she was close a few weeks back when she called me hysterical and I picked her up just like I know that this time it's done. She's gone over the edge and I can't help her. And all I'm fucking getting is jealousy from her sister and lectures from you."

Tommy had never felt so passionate about anything he'd said than he did right then. Everyone could go fuck off unless they were willing to help him find Jude.

"I know you love her, Tommy." Georgia softened her voice, trying to weigh everything he said against the impending doom that seemed to be hanging in the air. She knew he cared for Jude, but it couldn't erase the repercussions that were itching to be freed. "But you have to understand that this isn't just you and her. I have her mother harping at me. I have contractual obligations I have to deal with. I have to figure out a way to keep this out of the tabloids and you out of jail because you know Victoria won't stop until she sees you underneath it. You need to understand that this is big."

"Don't you think I already know this?"

"Well, you don't act like it." Georgia snapped back. She sighed, playing the only card she knew she had. "You bring her back and I'll figure out how to smooth things over. Until then, you're on suspension. I hate to do it, but it's the only way to appease her mother and for you to straighten yourself out."

Tommy just shook his head and laughed.

"So you just want me to bring her back so I can pretend like it never happened? You might as well go ahead and fire me now because I can't do that, Georgia. I've seen what it does to people."


	25. No Light Firefly, Runaway from Trains

_**THE LONGEST A/N IN FUCKING HISTORY AWAITS**_

This is the point in the story where I feel I must clear something up: THE TIME LINE. Why? Because I feel I've confused people/led them down the wrong chronological path/etc, and it must be set straight. If you've actually been able to follow my "line" up until this point, bypass the proceeding.

Day 1: Chapter 1  
Day 2: Chapter 2, 3, and 4 (Late night 3 & 4)  
Day 3: 5, 6, and partial 7.  
Day 4: 7, 8, 9  
Day 5: 10 (EARLY morning), 11, 12 I & II, 13 (mid-afternoon), 14, 15, 16, 17 (very beginning)  
---Routine stuff, time passing---  
Day 20: 17 (This chapter, I've realized, has a very misleading something I've only caught just now. The time frame I gave it was completely backwards. It kind of sucks since the whole "Rain Man" thing is a joke between me and my friend. LOL) Still on Day 20 – 18, 29, 20, 21, 22, 23

The last chapters (since they are of her disappearance) need to be given a time of sorts. Pt 2 of 17 was in the morning. 18 & 19 – early afternoon. 20 & 21 – mid-late afternoon. 22 – late afternoon. 23 – early-mid evening. Someone mentioned me finally getting to Tommy finding Jude as if to say she thought she'd been gone for ages, but in fact, she's only been "gone" for around 7 hrs. Why are they flipping right now? Each has their own reasons.

Chapters 24 and beyond will all be written to lead up to the resolve. (I've yet to establish how many chapters it will end up being.) What'll go down will have you REELING. And I have a sequel already planned. (Listen; if I have to wait until FEBRUARY for the new season, might as well make the most of it.) I have a couple of prequels I may end up writing as well, but that's a maybe.

OH YEAH! To anyone who has ever wondered what in the hell I was rolling on when I named my chapters, I've provided a supplement: (seven underscores)b (dot) livejournal dot com (forward slash) 18520 dot html (I damn FF for it's hatred of URLs.)

As far as the little things Jude "wrote"... ehh. "Breathe" was from that Seether/Amy Lee song. "Lullaby" was from my own insane 17th year. (I once wrote "Lullaby, Lullaby..." limericks when I was really out of my mind.) "Patented" was from ep 4 and the Q Burger thing. A memory of semi-good times.

Now that I've done this, let's get down to business. It shall be ok. I'm not promising gold, but we'll see what happens...

Oh yes... Beware II – TIME JUMP.

PS: Can you crack this chapter title?

* * *

Chapter 24 / No Light Firefly, Runaway from Trains

_**Instant Star Fades Away**_

_News hit the music world on Monday, and hard! Toronto's own Instant Star, Jude Harrison, has been reported missing after an alleged argument with her producer, Thomas Quincy (of the '90s boy-band BoyzAttack!), sources say. There have been no comments made by her producer, and no statements by her label, G Major Productions._

_

* * *

_

Sadie found herself crying once again, the realization that her sister could be gone for good dawning and settling deep within her mind. She stared down at the picture of her sister spread across page three, the "top news" headline plastered next to it, skipping and destroying every sentiment that should have been included.

It'd been nearly a week since anyone heard from Jude; nearly a week since Sadie's guilt got the better of her. She couldn't get the freeze frame images to quit flashing every time she closed her eyes; the two of them putting on a show for their parents, protecting Jude in the school yard, and the most recent: the photo shoot they'd shared. She knew they weren't the best of sisters and definitely weren't friends, but she did love her.

She hated knowing the last real conversation the two had was of harsh words and hatred. She regretted telling Tommy that she didn't care about Jude. She wanted so badly to see her sister walk through the doors of their home and to grab her and never let go. Jude was gone and Sadie couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. If she just hadn't told her mother everything she had... If she just hadn't been so vindictive... If she just hadn't needed to take her anger out on Jude, she might still be there. But she wasn't. She was gone and there was no turning back.

Sadie hadn't left her room in three days, knowing she'd have to walk past Jude's room and listen to her mother ramble on and on about how Tommy did it and what she should have done to stop everything before it turned into the nightmare that it'd become. Her sleep was splashed with grisly images of her sister sleeping on park benches and in alley ways, Jude walking around aimlessly thinking god knows what god knows where, and the worst yet, her sister's body cold and lifeless, lying to decay on a back street no one could find.

_I'm sorry, Jude. I'm so sorry. Don't die... Come home... _

She collapsed over her bed, sobbing into her down comforter. She pleaded to thin air and bargained with her god, tears soaking the linen beneath her. She blamed herself for the catastrophe that had spun out of control. She knew Jude hadn't meant to hurt her when it came to Tommy, but she just had to have revenge. _If only I'd known... WHY! Why did I need revenge so badly? _

Her sister was gone and there was nothing she could do to help.

* * *

Tommy tossed the home-delivered rag into his passenger seat, sunglasses obscuring his eyes from view. He ran the top of his hand under his nose, sniffing loudly, as he again began driving towards southern Toronto. With his suspension and having stormed out of G Major on not-so-good terms with Georgia, he spent every waking hour of his newfound free time searching for Jude. He felt like a madman, questioning everyone he could think of and burning gas as if just the sound of his car alone would drive Jude out of whatever corner she'd gone to. It was without luck though; he'd always return home alone and that much more desperate. 

He'd often times teamed up with Stuart in his searches, the two men venting and building up each other's hopes that today would be the day. They'd return home empty handed, guaranteeing that Jude was probably already at home and if not, they'd find her tomorrow. It built up to five days of mounting madness. He compared his anguish with what Jude could have been going through, and it murdered him. _If I feel this bad, what about her?_

Tommy couldn't help but notice each time he and Stuart went on their expeditions just how worn he looked and how each day, Stuart became more and more tired. He failed to notice himself, though, his deflated posture and drooping face visible to everyone but him. He just couldn't be bothered. He woke up, showered, and hit the streets. Pomp and circumstance wouldn't bring her back, only rubber to asphalt and the fleeting prayer that he'd see her casually walking the streets as if nothing was wrong.

He'd surpassed the point where he blamed everyone for always interfering and turned against himself. The numerous fights over the past year and some odd months, the lies he'd told himself and made Jude believe, skipping out on her first tour to escape his feelings. So many little things he wished he could change; so many big things he wished he could erase. It became his driving force, his fuel and fire. If anything, he wanted her back just so he could tell her that he loved her and apologize the world over for being so stupid.

Tommy bit down on the inside of his lip, trying to kill the cloudy vision that had consumed him since he'd got home after his fight with Georgia. He again rubbed his running nose and moved to his eyes, tears spilling onto his fingers. He couldn't think about life without Jude, _his _Jude. Never finding her, never hearing her laugh or seeing her smile. Never again holding her or kissing her. His past had been dark, but a future without the one thing he looked forward to always having blanketed even his most tumultuous times with a blackness he didn't want to see.

_I love you, girl... Just... call me at least... Tell me you're okay..._

His life had disappeared and didn't know how to get her back.

* * *

Victoria paced the cramped quarters of her kitchen, a glass of Cabernet in one hand and the empty tabloid in the other. She sipped her wine purposefully, the bitterness filling her with superficial warmth. She'd tried so hard to keep her daughter's name out of the press junkie's high Times to no avail. Seeing her name written so carelessly only added to her infuriation and trembling depression. She smiled in the picture, presumably happy, but it couldn't have been farther from the truth. 

She stopped pacing, killing the rest of her glass, and placing it gently in the sink. Half of her pushed the blame onto Tommy; he'd pushed her over the edge. Jude left because of him. The other half blamed herself; she'd pushed her to the edge. Jude had told her that she needed to get mind okay that day in the café, that everything was driving her crazy. All she could think about was punishing Tommy for the fear she'd felt when her daughter had gone away the first time. She didn't listen to Jude, trying to control the situation like she always did. She just didn't seem to care.

Victoria looked back on her behavior and couldn't believe how heartless she looked. She only wanted the best for Jude, but her best and her daughter's best were worlds apart. It hurt her knowing that she was partially responsible for all that was going on. It hurt her even more than Jude might not ever come back.

_I'm sorry, honey._

She'd never called the cops. People advised her that it would probably be the best thing, but she knew it would only cause the mess to intensify. Besides, she wanted to find Jude herself. She'd find her and squeeze the life out of her in a hug, and promise that she'd be more understanding. They could talk and work out all their differences. They could return to being loving mother and daughter once again.

She silently cried, damning everything she could think of damning. Stuart, Tommy, the stupid contest, all the events that had transpired over their year of rifting. They'd all done so much to hurt her, all driven her past the point of insanity, and now she'd vanished without a trace.

Her daughter was missing and she couldn't handle the truth.

* * *

The words of _Hey, Jude_ twisted and floated inside and out of Stuart's mind, the near tawdry spread ripping apart his heart. His youngest daughter, his musical companion and equal, his little girl reduced to a few lines that said little but insinuated too much. It made her love seem cheap and harmful, her absence another music low note. He jested on the fact that she admired Kurt Cobain but hated thinking she'd turned into an industry statistic. 

How many nights had he stayed up thinking? How many days had he spent with Tommy roaming the ends of the earth to locate her? It all seemed so futile, but he couldn't help but think it did some good, sent some good vibes her way and she was feeling them wherever she was. He was exhausted but couldn't sleep, fearing he'd be awaken by a phone call telling him she was forever gone. What ifs plagued him just like the remnants of what he still had of hers to hold.

Stuart had only reconnected with his daughter and he knew there was so much more talking and time that needed to be shared. He'd missed out on nearly a year of her life and wanted to get it back, but there was no time now for that. He just had to find her, the end. He grabbed his jacket and ran out of the door, thinking over whether or not he should call Tommy to join him. He shook his head to the idea, jumped into his car, and began retracing the miles he'd traveled yesterday.

_She'll be out there today. She'll be out there and I can bring her home._

He wound through the intertwining suburban streets, tears rolling from the corners of his eyes and over his cheeks. He didn't care if he killed himself in the search, as long as it helped fight for the cause. She was out there and she would be recovered if it was the only and last thing he did.

His youngest one was astray and the music played on.

* * *

G Major was silent save for the rustling of papers, sighs, and occasional footsteps. The atmosphere hung heavily onto everyone's backs. Kwest paced back and forth between sofas while EJ, for once, couldn't find the right thing to say. Georgia kept herself locked in her office, thinking over her decisions and whether or not her laying down of the law was the right move. Interns gaped at the news and the secretaries resigned to taking peeks at the gossip in between calls and speculations. It was the first time everyone collectively noticed how big Jude's role was in the business and it wasn't something that could be swallowed easily. 

Their _Instant Star_ was lost waiting to be found.

* * *

_Where has she gone? Will she return? Has the Star finally faded? There is no word at this time what her disappearance will mean for her, her family, or her label._

_---Toronto Explorer _


	26. Middle of the Night, I’ll Call You When

I'm happy to see the chapter was well received. I thought people might actually find it a bit... _something _but it wasn't so I'm good. I bow to all of you graciously.

This goes out to "Guesssttt" (whoever you are!): I don't think you're weird. In fact, I'm flattered beyond flattered. WHO ARE YOU! LOL

Oh the twists and turns and falling of leaves  
Pull the magic from rolled up sleeves  
Rumble tumble stumble CRASH  
See the stretched tape, sprinting mad dash  
Partook and swallowed – partook and flew  
The journey starts far from what you knew

Nothing really A/N worthy so... yeah... Just thought I'd drop a few bars because... they're crazy and that's where my mind stays and... WOOT!

Wait wait, I forgot to add this: This chapter is just a transitional one. Short, but pushes stuff forward. I'll inevitably write chapter 26 at like... midnight. lol

Enjoy...

PS: Crash, you cheating heifer! (Ok... so maybe not a heifer...) You were correct, though: Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train". This is the hottest song since TOAST. theEND. If you haven't D/Led it yet, do it. It's like... the driving force behind this story. I swear...

* * *

Chapter 25 / Middle of the Night, I'll Call You When 

Jude's hands shook. She'd been going at it with herself all day, always on the losing end of the deal. The house talked to her. Her voices screamed at her. The indigo night shook its head and enveloped her in a deathly stare. It was all getting too much for her take. She'd run from her problems only to be confronted with her biggest yet – herself. She was alone and afraid, the only thing left wanting to kill her. She couldn't take it anymore.

She dug through her bag, strewing its contents all over the living room floor. She held her only hope for redemption between shaking palms, coveting its silvery body. It was a dead thing, having been abandoned in a moment of temporary clarity. She flipped up the cover of her cell phone, holding the power switch down. It vibrated, jingle jangling to life. _67 missed calls. _Speed dialing 071, she anxiously counted the rings. _1, 2, 3, 4..._

"_Jude?"_

Her world flipped and flopped, the sound of her name freezing her in time. He called out again. She took a deep breath, focusing on the reasons she'd broken her vow of departure.

"Kwest..." Her voice creaked into the receiver.

"_Jude, is that you? I can barely hear you."_

"H-how... are y-you?" Her shaking intensified, her jaw chattering viciously.

"_Girl! Where have you been?"_

"I'm... dead." She lazily fell to her back, the stained rug beneath her pricking against her back. She tried to clear her throat, her voice still etched in the silence she'd sentenced it to. "I _was_ dead. I still am dead. I'm something."

"_What are you talking about? Jude, where are you? Everyone is going out of their minds here." _

She laughed into the phone, his rapid fire questions amusing.

"I went away... the solution to the Jude problem."

"_WHERE ARE YOU?"_

"Shhh... you're so loud... It's all so loud..."

"_Are you ok? Have you taken something?"_

"No... _They've _taken something, though."

"_Girl... Have you called anyone else? Your parents? Tommy?"_

Air rushed between her clenched teeth, hissing at Kwest. She stretched out her left arm, marveling at her hand and the way it contrasted the carpet.

"He's dead, too."

"_No, he isn't. He's been going crazy trying to find you. And after his fight with Georgia..."_

"Fight?"

"_They got into it over you two. He basically told her to fuck off."_

"My Tommy?" She dreamily repeated his name, each consonant and vowel lulling her into a state of lethargy. "Tom...my..."

"_Yes, your Tommy. When he hears I've talked to you..."_

Jude bolted upright, perspiration forming along her hairline. The thought of him knowing and finding her terrorized her.

"NO! No... no... he can't... no... he can't see me like this. He can't see me like this... Don't... no... no..."

"_Jude, chill out. I won't tell. Just calm down."_

"I'm going to go now..."

"_Just tell me where you are."_

"Hold your horses but they run free... Sing a little song for me..."

"_JUDE..."_

"Bye, Kwest." She closed her cell and turned it off. She threw it into the fireplace, ashes burying it in pseudo-ceremony. The sounds came louder now, her hands to her ears once again. She rolled to her side, crying against the floor. "Stop it... Please..."

* * *

Kwest's mind reeled. Jude called him, no one else, and made absolutely no sense. And what was up with her whispering? He thought over what he said about not telling Tommy, Jude's desperation when he'd mentioned doing so sitting wrong with him. He was a man of his word, but something like this called for a change of heart.

"_Kwest, it's 2 am, man."_

"You weren't asleep anyway."

"_I know but..."  
_

"Jude called."

"_WHAT! When? What'd she say? Did she call you? Is she ok?"_

"Just now; I just got off the phone with her. She wasn't making any sense. Remember what you told me about her losing it? She's lost it, man. She kept going on and on about some crazy shit – she's dead; _they _took something; _they're _too loud. And her voice was really low and kind of scratchy."

_"Oh my god. Did she tell you where she was?"_

"No."

"_DAMMIT! Did she say anything about where she was? Anything at all?"_

"I tried to get her to tell me, man. All she said was, 'Hold your horses but they run free; sing a little song for me.' I don't get it at all."

"_I GOT IT! Thanks, man. I gotta go. Thank you!"_

"FUCK!" The line went dead and for the second time, Kwest was left confused. "WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"


	27. You Are the Anecdote That Gets Me By

Chapter 25 had no point other than to give me a way to let the most obvious dawn on the dumbest man I've ever read about/seen on TV. Ok... so he's not dumb just flipping OBLIVIOUS. As was said – TRANSITIONAL. W/o that chapter, I would have been reduced to trite, "Oh durr... The farm house! Duh... Erm..." type things and that would have just been bad... even for me!

I sadly must inform everyone out there that this story won't be going on for much longer. (At the very MOST, it could have only 10 more chapters, but I'm thinking more along the lines of 5.) But with it ending how it will... HAHA! Sequels will be hell, yo. Raising hell and half of Montreal on to cut back on caffeine consumption

Hopefully, you'll enjoy this one a bit more.

And... I think I'm going to slow down the update process just for the next week. I feel like being torturous. Mmm... Sadist Bri... Besides, I want my final pieces to be godly.

On away...

* * *

Chapter 26 / You Are the Anecdote That Gets Me By

Tommy walked slowly to the front door of the farm house, pausing a minute to remember the last time he'd been there. He'd been so close to Jude in that moment, sharing smiles and chords, living the most intimate of dreams. It was then that she'd become an intrinsic part of his being. He'd ruined the mood, tone, and timeline of their conjunction by kissing Sadie. He later learned Jude had witness the traitorous act, and he filed it away as one of the stupidest things he'd done to date.

He pushed away the thought, observing the scenery. The trees were black against blue, bruises for a tired home. The pathway was bathed in flood light, cracks and crevices casting shallow shadows over the stones. Empty flat lands with drooping hills made the ground look unhappy. The place was so severe at night, a foreshadowing to the nightmare he was about to encounter.

Tommy pushed open the front door easily, engulfed in a sea of ambient light and chaos. He stepped in and over papers, mementos, and Jude's green bag. He sighed at the sight of her purse, relieved she was there, but taken aback by the mess. It had been so pristine last time that the new look scared him. He took cautious steps forward, continuing to look around. He noticed the broken glass on the floor and caught sight of the sisterly portrait above the fireplace. Blood stained various shards and his heart raced. Then, he saw her.

She lay on the floor behind the coffee table, splayed haphazardly between the glass and white paper. She wore the same clothes he'd seen her in last, wrinkled and old looking. Her hair was a copper halo, everywhere. Even from where he stood, he could see how pale she was and see the dark circles under her eyes. She looked tranquil, lackluster, dead.

Tommy rushed to her side, pulling her into his arms, cradling her. Emotions overtook the flood gates, and he began to cry openly. He brushed his fingers against her face, tear stains engraved in meandering patterns. He shook her gently, coaxing her awake, afraid that she wouldn't.

"Jude... Wake up. Please, baby. Wake up."

Her eyes fluttered open slightly, a soft smile painting itself on her lips.

"Tommy?" She closed her eyes, only to have them fly open with a vengeance. She pushed him away and back against the fireplace, her slowly moving back towards the window. "No, this isn't real. Stop it! This isn't real! NO!"

Kwest was right when he said her voice was scratchy. She talked in cracked hysterics and squealed sentiment. Tommy was shocked by the sound, too foreign to what he remembered. He pushed himself up from the floor, and walked over to her, kneeling beside her. She shied away from the close proximity.

"Girl..."

"You aren't real..." She covered her face with her hands, hitting her forehead hard. "Stop it! This is wrong. Don't play these games... Stop!"

"Jude, this _is_ real. Who are you talking to?"

Her hands left her face in a flash, staring at him darkly.

"_Them._" She fixed her gaze on the floor, eyes wild and left hand trying to drill out a point. "They say I'm crazy. I'm _not _crazy. They talk all the time. If you're real, make it stop."

He could do nothing but gape. She broke his heart, the pleading behind her voice ripping him in half. He moved in closer and again she pulled back.

"I'll try, Jude." He looked down in her lap and at her trembling hands. He noticed the scabbed up mess, the now olive drab and purple damage. "What happened to your hand?"

"I punched the picture."

Her voice had turned childish, but he smiled at her confession.

"I thought that was my job."

"Why are you here? I thought you went for air."

"Baby, that was a week ago." He took hold of her injured hand, examining it scrupulously. "Is that why you left?"

"You don't want me anymore. No one wants me anymore." Her voice broke again, saline welling along the inner rims of her eyes.

"That's not true!" His voice echoed in the large room and she jumped back. He composed himself, lowering his volume. "Why would you think that?"

"I know it. I'm not good."

Tommy sat stunned by the entire scene. His girl was broken and blamed herself, said she wasn't any good and that everyone hated her. It was too much to take in. What would he do? What could he do? This was far beyond his ability of smooth words and lofty promises.

"We need to get you home."

"NO!" Her shriek pierced through him. "I'm not going back there! I can't... I can't take it there." She looked to him sadly. "You think I'm weak, huh?"

He shook his head, offering up a slight smile.

"No, I don't, but we have to go back. Everyone's worried about you."

"Don't lie to me."

"I wouldn't; not to you."

"It's okay here. I could stay here. I'm okay."

"You can't stay, Jude." He moved to sit directly next to her, taking hold of her hand once again. "If you don't want to go home, you can stay with me. We just have to get you some help."

Jude jerked her hand back, the rest of her unmoving.

"I don't _need _help. You think I'm crazy, too. I'm not, I told you. I promise. I promise I'm not. They won't go away, but you don't have to. Please don't go away." She tangled her fingers in her hair. "Please... It's so lonely... Tommy..."

He grabbed her and held her, crying against the top of head. Her words tore him up and the way she rambled, dazed, ate at his soul.

"I'm not going any where. I'll stay, don't worry."

"I'll be good for you. I promise."

"You are already." He kissed the side of head gently, running his hand along her arm. "When was the last time you really slept? Ate?"

"I... I don't remember."

"I'll tell you what; we can stay here tonight, ok? And in the morning, I'll take you out and then we can go home."

"You're going to stay?"

"Yeah, girl. I'm going to stay."

She nodded her head.

"Ok..."

With her approval of his plans, he stood and lifted her to her feet. He led her from the living room and to one of the bedrooms. He put her to bed, crawling in next to her. His arm draped over her stomach, getting as close as she'd let him. He was happy, relieved, worried, and completely upset all at once. She wasn't good. In fact, he'd never seen anyone so messed up, but he'd found her and found her alive – physically at least. He thanked every deity he could conjure up for the fortune of her calling and him being able to decipher her riddles. He closed his eyes, thinking of what move he could make to help her. _I love you, Jude..._

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"The house is really loud at night. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I might be able to handle it. You're with me."

"And Tommy?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're here. Thank you..."


	28. Irritated Limericks

And again, I will graciously thank everyone for their reviews – whether they loved or hated chapter 26.

This A/N will be short, but I'll say this: Drama is still lurking and everything isn't right in the world tonight. Please believe...

On another note, people are beginning to have fun with my chapter titles. HAHA! It's a game I see... But everyone was right on the last one, save for one little oversight – the real line goes "You are the antidote that gets me by" and I flipped it with "anecdote". Sort of a poke-fun moment to point out the encompassing absurdity and fear involved with everything. Oooh... Bri's so deep. -rolls eyes at self- Yep...

Oh... and the story won't go back to Jude's view for a minute yet. Oh you've got your reasons... and you've got your manipulations... If you could only see...

I've gotta throw this in here because I just do. Some people say that writing is a very personal experience; that fiction isn't really fiction but a blend of truth and farce, and one must go deeply inside of his or herself to pull out whatever it is they are trying to write. Conveyance of the topic at hand isn't always imagination but reality, and in writing this I've drawn upon a lot of things and sometimes... it hits too close to home. It's odd how that is.

* * *

Chapter 27 / Irritated Limericks 

Tommy woke up early, too early, drenched in a cold sweat. Dawn had yet to make her day-breaking debut, the room still devoured in inky obscurity. He stared at the invisible ceiling, his breathing ragged and uneven. Nightmares and lived terrors filled his mind and gripped onto his skin. His back hurt to match his head, tingling and spasming over the hard metal springs. Restless sleep and restless mind did not a placid morning make.

Jude clung to his chest ruthlessly, her fists buried and twisted in his damp black t-shirt. She cringed next to him and murmured things amidst her sleeping delirium. He reached for her, holding her arm to settle the skittishly rigid owner on top of him. A move in vain, her quaking intensified.

Tommy's mind ran. The same question kept floating in and out of his consciousness – _how do I fix this?_ He thought about the course of action he'd take, whether he should take her home or to his place, what he'd say to her when she woke up. Some part of him was still dashed with narcissism, thinking that he and he alone would be all that it would take to get her back to the spirited girl he'd always known. Still, a darker, more pessimistic notion couldn't be suppressed. _What if I'm the one who finishes her off completely?_ He didn't want to think about it. He couldn't think about it. He had to be her rock, her iron fortress, her lifeline. If he succumbed to his mindlessness, who would bring Jude back from hers?

He closed his eyes, Jude now quiet and lifeless once again. Morning was a long time coming.

* * *

"Jude, come on. You agreed to us getting breakfast." 

"Can't leave... Can't leave... They'll kill me..."

"No, they won't. I'll make sure they won't."

Jude sat in the middle of the living room floor once again, eyes wide and body twitching. Tommy sighed; it was all he could do. In the course of twelve hours, he'd taken on the role of partner, shrink, and comforter. He shook off the urge to yell and scream, the scene of her insanity already getting to him.

"No, no... Speak slow... They know..." Her hands searched the ground manically, fingers running over shag and paper. "Shhhhh... they hear you. Make your break... They aren't few..."

He walked closer to her, crouching in the still needless distance.

"We'll get coffee. You like coffee."

"GO!" She instantly grabbed a piece of the broken glass, sobbing as she palmed the razor sharp iridescence. She jabbed the glass in his direction, him jumping back. "You don't hear them... You don't hear them... You don't... You don't... They'll kill you... They'll kill me too." She looked down at her hand, now squeezing the shard painfully. Red seeped in around the edges; she went mute.

Tommy was horrified to see her bleeding; grabbing her arm and prying open her fist. She flinched at his touch, but let him do what he wanted. He examined her palm, slices running in zigzags.

"Oh god, Jude... Come on." He persuaded her to her feet, leading her to the kitchen. He thrust her hand under the running water, a soft whimper mixing with the swishes of the coral spiraling down the drain. He turned off the faucet, and wrapped her hand in a dish towel. He was aggravated, but feared showing it."Do you feel better?"

She looked up at him in between half-closed eyelids, nodding her head in confirmation.

"Coffee. You and me... we... we'll get coffee."

* * *

They left the rural city limits and made it back to Toronto in record breaking speed. Jude said nothing. Jude didn't move. In fact, had Tommy not been keeping such a close eye on her, it would have been like he was driving alone. 

He pulled into the parking lot of his favorite coffee house; still, Jude remained unaffected.

"Come on. The coffee's in here." He got out and walked to the passenger side door, opening it and getting her out. "It's good, too. Latte, right?"

She didn't say anything and he sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. He took her bruised hand and led them inside of the shop. He ordered for the both of them, and took her to a far off corner, thinking back to the other café and the other corner and better times.

"Talk." She eyed him expectantly.

"I've been writing again; thinking about going back into the studio to record." He looked her over, making mental comment of how he seemed to be talking to her like a second grader. "I was thinking that you could help me tweak some of the stuff I wrote. You know you have that magic." He smiled in her direction, though it felt like someone had ripped out his stomach through his throat.

"I... I think... yes. Okay." She picked up the china white mug and drank greedily. "The words don't come right... They have me mixed up. Fixed up. But... but... I can't do this. This... here... I..." Her face darkened, brow ruffling. She hit her temples with the heels of her hands. "I used to be... Come out! Say what you need to say! Spit it out!"

Tommy grabbed her wrists, pulling them from their assault. Jude looked to him, lost, her eyes glistening in their deadliness.

"It's ok. I know what you're saying." It hit him that he couldn't do this alone. There was no way he was going to be able to fix this. She transcended the effectiveness of softness and love. "I'm going to go right around that corner, ok? Stay here."

She folded her arms on the table and lay down her head.

"Come back soon."

"I will, Jude. Don't worry." Tommy walked backwards, rethinking his idea to "step away" but knew he had to. He dug his cell from his pocket, and speed dialed without taking his eyes off of Jude.

"_Hello?"_

Tommy took a deep breath.

"I have her."


	29. You Should Have Known Better

Ya'll know it had to happen – 2 chapters in one day. I'm going at such a strong pace, though, I fear that this will be over w/in the next few days. (Actually, now that I think about it, it should have only about... 4 more chapters – this one included.)

At least it leads the way for a sequel of sorts. "Of sorts" because it isn't so much a sequel as one would call it like pick up where things left off but more or less... Jude's healing process, etc. I' actually anxious as hell to get to work on it! (Anyone got title ideas?)

We'll just have to see...

PS: I'm fucking pissed off right now. One of the best writer's on the IS category was about ready to dip because a person flamed her. HEAR THIS: If you are going to leave someone a review and all you're going to say is that the story fucking sucks (i.e. non-constructive criticism) then just KEEP YOUR MOUTH FUCKING SHUT. I bet they've kept their mouth shut about your "work". Thanks...

PSS: Sorry it's so short. :(

* * *

Chapter 28 / You Should Have Known Better 

The water was uncomfortably hot, the cast iron bathtub grabbing its heat and turning into an encapsulating furnace. It ran over her feet, turning them a bright pink. She squirmed amidst the elevated temperature, but reveled in how clean it made her feel. Everything floated to the surface, mingling with the few soap bubbles that dared interfere with her cleansing.

Jude hummed to herself unconsciously, the heat and everything else praying she'd fall asleep. She was trying; trying to stop all of the rampant reminders of why she'd left, why she couldn't think at all, why she was afraid of everything. She closed her eyes, slipping beneath the water.

_Jude... Jude? We know you're there._

She popped up from the surface, looking around the tiled bathroom fearfully. She named off the pattern in the ceramic surround. _Black... Teal... Silver... Black... Teal... Silver... _

_Answer us, Jude..._

_Black, teal, silver. BLACK, TEAL, SILVER._

_Shut up and talk to us. Are you mad? _

_BLACK._

_TALK, DAMN YOU!_

_TEAL!_

_JUDE!_

_Silver..._

_You're going to die, Jude. You know that right? You are going to die. No one can save you now._

Jude leaned back against the tub, focusing her attention to the small print on a shampoo bottle. She squinted, trying to read the label. _Ingredients: Sodium..._

_He'll die too._

"Not Tommy! Just kill me. Take me..."

_Sleep. Go under. Sleep until you die._

Something in a far corner caught her eye, her head whirling in the direction. She froze, a shadow coming closer, sliding into her bath. It hovered above her, the darkness brining with it a chill that ran the length of her body.

"You aren't real." She closed her eyes tightly, blocking herself from the thing that stood above her. "You aren't real."

_Jude... Jude... Under... Go... Under..._

Jude slowly rose from her position, eyes still shut, and stepped out. She backed away slowly, opening her eyes to her previous location, everything gone but the tiding water. She pensively dressed, hoping her ghosts would remain amongst the tiles and soaps. Taking a final look around the bathroom, she ran, fear riding high on her back. She slowed down, the feeling of evil fading into the background.

She stopped mid-step, imagined thunder and lightening pounding in her ears.

_You're going to die..._

_

* * *

_

"Where is she? I want to see her!"

"She's in the bathroom. Mrs. Harrison, calm down. She's isn't good with noise or confrontation. You have to take it easy." Tommy's icy defiant stare turned to Stuart, Stuart hanging his head to his chest. "I told you she wasn't ready for this! Why did you call _her!"_

Victoria didn't wait for her ex-husband's response, flying into a fit of rage.

"Because I'm her mother! I deserve to know when my missing daughter has been found!"

"Victoria, please. Tommy's right. We don't need this right now."

"Shut up, Stuart! I just want..." Victoria caught sight of her daughter standing haggardly in the hallway. "Jude!"

Jude took a step backwards, her mother running up to her and enveloping her in a tight hug. She nuzzled her cheek to Jude's temple, Jude frozen against the invasion.

"Jude doesn't like to be touched." Tommy warned, motioning something with his hands and nodding an "ok" to Jude.

Victoria paid him no mind, keeping Jude in her tight embrace. She pulled away to stare at her daughters face, smiling and happy to finally see her.

"Oh my god, Jude! Are you okay, honey? Are you ready to come home?"

"She won't go, Mrs. Harrison. Said she can't take it there."

"It'll be okay, _Tom. _All she needs is a good night's sleep and her family. She'll be okay."

"Mom, will you please just stop? Look at her!" Sadie, a once silent figure in the room, calmly walked to Jude's side. She removed her mother's arms from around her sister. "Tommy _said _she doesn't want to be touched. Leave her alone."

"What is this? A conspiracy against me? My daughter has been gone for a week and you tell me not to even hug her?"

"We aren't saying that, Mom, but..." Sadie looked at her sister's face, the grimace still plastered over Jude's features. "Just give her some time."

"Sadie's right, Victoria. I've been trying to keep my distance too."

Victoria glowered at Stuart, stepping closer to him.

"Just like always, right?"

Stuart growled under his breath, eyes narrowing in anger.

"Let's argue over that another time."

"Both of you be quiet! Just... hold down." Tommy put himself between the two formals, Sadie in from of him.

"Leave this to us, ok, Tom? Besides, it's nothing Stuart doesn't already know."

A scream reverberated within space, the sound of crying following suit.

"Stop it! Stop... So loud..." Everyone turned to look at Jude, pale and holding the sides of her head. "Please, stop..."

"I told you!" Tommy glared at everyone in the room, moving in towards Jude. "Jude, it's ok. We'll stop." He reached for her arm, another screech filling the room. He stood motionless as she made her way back down the hallway and towards the room she'd just left, watching everyone miniaturize. She chanted to her family quietly.

"Dear Mom..."


	30. When She Says She Loves Me

The countdown is official: 2 more chapters until we've reached the end of our journey. DAMN... I'm actually sad knowing that this is coming to an end. I've never produced any piece of chaptered writing that I've finished, and knowing I am... DAMN. (I actually have a killer story that was first created when I was 12 (1997). It has god knows how many parts, and it's never been finished.) I'm glad everyone here has enjoyed the work. I never thought it would be so well received and I thank everyone. I'm sorry I seem so melodramatic; this is just my baby that's about to like... end. UGH!

The sequel's title is still up in the air. I'm contemplating the title _Lithium _because we all know of Jude's obsession with Cobain, but who knows? I may just go all left of field and name it something that'll seriously have you asking, "WTF!" Ideas are still appreciated.

This chapter was kind of draining. I delved into a part of my psyche I haven't delved into in a long ass while, the words coming in a quick 10 minutes. It was also rewarding, though. I hope you find it as such.

On with it though... Be afraid. Be very afraid.

* * *

Chapter 29 / When She Says She Loves Me 

Jude searched around the bathroom frantically. The voices came unmercifully louder; the room became unbearably smaller; the shadows had multiplied and stalked amongst hand towels and random bottles. It was time. It was time to end everything for good. She'd tried to block everything out and be the good soldier, to take her punishment and swallow their taunts and terrors. She failed miserably and knew the only way out was to give her final performance. It was go time; time to die.

It was easy in the beginning, dealing with the things that talked to her. At first, they helped her and try to make the best of things. They turned ugly, painting an even more horrid picture for her. What started as a whisper of one turned into a scream of many. What came to her in the middle of silence mutated into an overshadowing presence that woke her up at night, sobbing. Then they became visuals, lurking in her closet or in the sound booth of Studio B. She saw them, gnarled teeth and black eyes, peering behind Tommy's shoulder or sitting beside her mother at the dinner table. Just a common consciousness twisted around into an omnipresent beast, devouring everything around her.

"Dear Mom... I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I can't take it anymore." She sobbed against the injustice, opening drawers and doors. "Dear Sadie... You weren't that bad. I'm sorry that I've hurt you over the years."

She opened the linen closet, throwing things left and right. Her hands traced over the soft terry folds of the bath sheets, her fingers playing with the silkiness of Tommy's Egyptian cotton sheets. She grabbed one of the flat sheets, holding it to her face and breathing deeply. Her tears intensified, the scent of him upping the urgency.

"Dear Dad... I will forever love you. Yvette wasn't that bad." She grabbed the corners of the cloth, spreading it out to its king sized dimensions. "Dear Kwest... I know you told. It's ok. You were a good friend. Dear Georgia... Thank you so much for not taking Tommy from me."

Her judgment was sharp and swift, gripping onto the fabric and ribbing a long strip from it. It looked like a free flowing stream of sapphire, pooling and bunching on the cold floor. She walked to the shower stall, making an adjustable loop in the end of her ribbon. She stood on her tip toes, wrapping the loop around the shower head, and pulling it tightly into a knot.

"Dear Kat... Jaime... My beautiful friends. It was all my fault. I did this. You were always the best." Jude sniffled loudly, wrapping the loose end of the strip around her neck. She tied it deftly into a secure noose, his aroma still present against her nose. "Dear Tommy... I hope that one day you can forgive me. I never wanted you to see me like this. I am crazy. I'm so crazy it hurts for you to see it. I love you and I always will, even in death. I hope to see you again one day..."

Jude slid down the back wall of the stall, the noose growing tighter and tighter. She couldn't breathe, every gulp of air a struggle to take it. She felt the blood pounding in her head, her eyes feeling as if they'd explode any minute. The nozzle creaked from her weight, the room blurring and spinning out of control. The water control lever dug into the back of her head. Everything was going black, her lips moving to form the last sentence she would ever make.

"I love you all..." She faintly heard arguing in the back ground, the last bit of consciousness draining from her body. Everything was finally quiet, nothing haunting her.

Her body went limp, falling the rest of the way to the floor. Mission completed.

* * *

"If you don't fucking mind, I'm going to go check on Jude! If she wasn't fucked up before, she probably is now!" Tommy stormed off in the direction of the bathroom, leaving the family to continue their battle. He turned the knob of the bathroom door, and peeked around the edge. "Jude, I'm coming in. Jude?" 


	31. How Blue Her Eyes Can Be

Mwahaha... GOD I'M EVIL!

Don't give up hope children... Mwahahaha...

PS: 1 more after this and _The Wall _is a wrap. I know this chapter could stand as the finale, but I have plans for chapter 31. Besides, 31 is a better number than 30. HA. In other news, the sequel will be called "Lithium Crash".

PSS: CRASH... your a freak. You should know me by now...

* * *

Chapter 30 / How Blue Her Eyes Can Be 

"Girl, are you okay? They're about to leave..." Tommy stepped into the room, stumbling backwards as he saw Jude suspended from the shower head. His lungs collapsed at the sight of her face, eyes closed and blue. He rushed to her, knees buckling as his hands fumbled with the knot that buried in her hair. "Jude, no..."

He managed to remove the vice-grip noose from around her neck, his fingers tracing along the ruby red stripe branding her skin as he pulled her into his arms. His actions went into overdrive, every medical program and cop show episode he'd ever seen coming to him in brief flashes. _Check her pulse... Try CPR... Breathe for her, damn you!_

He pressed his fingers to her neck. He thought he felt something, but maybe his shaking hands were deceiving him. He laid her on the icy tiles, tilted her head back, and pressed his lips to hers. He gave her all of the air he could manage; pushing down on her chest in an act that even he felt was futile.

"JUDE! Come on, breathe. BREATHE GOD DAMN YOU!" He pounded against her sternum, stinging tears of frustration falling down his cheeks. "FUCKING BREATHE, GIRL! YOU WILL NOT GO OUT LIKE THIS, NOW FUCKING WAKE UP!"

"Tommy, is everything okay in here?" Sadie screamed as she realized what she was looking at.

"Hurry... Call an ambulance!"

"Oh my god... No... Oh my god..."

"NOW, SADIE!"

Sadie ran from the bathroom, Tommy returning to the girl on the floor. _Come on, Quincy. Keep breathing for her. She needs the oxygen. She'll wake up. She isn't dead. Breathe. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. BREATHE. 1, 2, 3..._

Time stood still as he continued his CPR, the EMTs arriving quickly to the scene of the accident. They wheeled her away, allowing no one the kindness of riding with her.

* * *

They all waited impatiently in the ER waiting room. Everyone, including the paparazzi, had arrived to the hospital within minutes of the ambulance, the throng of people setting up shop quickly. Stuart paced the halls while Victoria sat idly in the corner. Sadie had escaped to the bathroom, followed by a newly arrived Kat. Tommy stood at the payphone punching it periodically; Jaime trying to calm his arch-nemesis. Flash bulbs went off, questions were fired. Everything turned into a circus and fast.

A young doctor appeared from the far door leading from the emergency bay, looking down at his clip board.

"Mr. and Mrs. ...Harrison?"

Stuart and Victoria both jumped at their names, scurrying towards the man. Tommy strolled over behind them, breathing again becoming labored.

"Did she make it? Or is she..." Victoria broke down at the thought of her youngest child being dead.

The doctor held out his hand, ushering everyone to a seat. He stood above them authoritatively, looking to and from his notes.

"She did make it..."

Stuart threw his head back, weeping as he mumbled words to the ceiling.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"She will be. Luckily for her, she was discovered before her oxygen deprivation turned critical. From what we can conclude from our preliminary tests, her basic functions are fine, but we think she's damaged her larynx. We aren't sure how certain motor functions or her memory has been affected. May I ask something, though?" Everyone nodded in direction. "For what she's gone through, she became lucid rather quickly. She kept talking to herself. She even began shouting at things, if you could call it shouting. As I mentioned, her larynx is pretty much shot for the time being, but she is able to speak. Why is she doing this, though? There is no record of her having any mental disorders; though we have had her talk to a psychiatrist I called in."

Tommy looked at the man, turning quickly from him. Stuart noticed his actions, speaking up for him.

"She kind of... went... crazy."

The doctor nodded his head as if the revelation was already known.

"I figured as much. The psychiatrist told me that she thinks she's had a psychotic break. We've administered a quick-acting injection of an antipsychotic medication per request. She's also on suicide watch."

Victoria tried composing herself, wiping her face with a tissue before speaking up.

"When can she come home?"

"If everything goes according to plan, then we estimate that she can return home by the end of the week. Mrs. Harrison, if I may really blunt, Jude is a very disturbed young lady and needs psychiatric help. We highly advise that she seek help... in-patient help."

"We'll get her help, but I don't think a hospital is all that necessary."

"Do it."

The doctor turned his attention to Tommy.

"Excuse me. And you are?"

"Tom Quincy."

"Tom, let us handle this, ok?"

"What is your relationship with Miss Harrison?"

"I'm..." He stared directly at Victoria then to the entrance of the ER. "I'm her boyfriend."

"I KNEW IT!" Victoria jumped from her seat, standing in front of Tommy. "YOU did this! YOU nearly killed her!"

Tommy's face fell, tears of anger and sadness springing to his eyes.

"Mom," Again, the most silent person in the room spoke up and moved beside her mother. "Shut the hell up. Tommy didn't do this. If anyone is to blame for all of this, it's us – me with my need for revenge and you with your war against the one thing Jude had to hold onto. HE found her. HE took care of her for the time he had her. HE looked out for her when all you wanted to do is rip her apart. HE saved her fucking life! Give it a rest, ok?"

"Maybe she's right, Sadie. Maybe I did all of this." Tommy sighed into his hands. "I never wanted to hurt her though, ok? I never wanted to drive her to this. I love her. All I want is the best for Jude and if a hospital is what she needs, just give it to her. Please, for her."

Stuart stood and joined his ex-wife, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"He's right, Vee. She needs this. Look at what we've done already. If she comes home, maybe we won't be having this discussion _next time. _And I'd almost bet that there will be a next time. Where would she go?"

"We're thinking Brice. It's the best facility for handling such cases."

"Mom? Do the right thing."

Victoria nodded her head, staring down at the floor.

"Ok. Ok. If it's for the best..."

The doctor gave the bunch a sympathetic smile, jotting something down in his notes.

"We'll make the arrangements for you. It is for the best, Mrs. Harrison. I can assure you that."


	32. The Wall

As with life, all good things must come to an end. I've had fun with this story. To think that what sprang from boredom, frustration, and a really wicked DXM trip turned into something that has solidified the notion of me writing on a professional level as well as becoming a piece that I couldn't be prouder of. The cocky part of me likes to think I've brought a certain darkness and originality to FF. (I'll let you decide.) It's going to be weird not writing this, even if I do have the sequel. It becomes almost a part of you, in a way. I know that sounds sappy, but I'm in a sappy mood.

As was mentioned, and has been a million times, there is a sequel.

_Lithium Crash: Like. Love. Miss. Kill. I've already cracked._

I think the mini summary sort of connotes what's going to go down, but I won't spoil you. All I can say is this: Jude has changed. I'm toying with a lot of POV writing interspersing it with 3rd person stuff. It may seem jumbled and crazy at times, but think of what I'm writing and it'll make perfect sense.

This finale was hell to write. I wrote it once a few minutes after I posted chapter 30, but quickly knew there was so much more that needed to be said. I'm not really tying up a lot of loose ends, leaving the door open for that later on. This chapter is what it is. As chapter 29 was draining, I've found myself drawing upon a lot of things. In a way, this final chapter is like facing demons; you never know if you've actually won. Not to mention the fact that I kept Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" on repeat for this and that was, at one point, my anthem.

I want to thank everyone for their comments. I never knew this would be so well received and knowing that there are actual fans of my work amazes me. Yeah, yeah... Shut up Bri!

I'm going to stop before I go all psycho on people and scare you away for good.

Enjoy the final show...

* * *

Chapter 31 / The Wall

Jude woke up three days later.

She blearily looked around the small hospital room, taking in the sterility and stark nature that seemed to drape on everything. She felt heavy, trying to process the sight of her body covered with tubing and wiring. Everything seemed too quiet, nothing but a humming in the background and the white noise that filled her head. She knew her surroundings, having seen them when her grandmother was in the hospital all of those years ago, but it filled her with a sense of dread. She wasn't dead.

She wrestled with her body and the hardware that encased her in to a sitting position, still trying to figure out things. The last thing she remembered was sliding down the bathroom wall, everything closing in around her. Her hand went instinctively to her throat, her skin hot to the touch. She shook her head to her silent thoughts, absently wondering where everyone was. Her spirits dampened, wondering if they were all sad she wasn't gone.

As if by mental manifestation, Tommy appeared from the corner, dragging his mauve sack cloth chair behind him. He moved in close, leaning on his elbows into the bed. His eyes were shadowed in a red shimmer, something that seemed so surprising to her.

"You're finally awake."

"Yeah... how'd I get here?" The sound of her own voice frightened her, burnt and dry. His hands instinctively found hers, wrapping the frailty in his strength. "I mean, I thought..."

"No. I found you, Jude... hanging."

Jude tried to focus in on The Day and the quick actions she'd made; the bath tub that seemed to love her body, the fighting, the ripped up sheet, the darkness. It all seemed so far away yet close enough for her to catch and rework.

"Only I could fuck up death." Her chin quivered, her eyes moving from Tommy's softened face to the patchwork drop ceiling. She mindlessly counted the squares in the light fixture, willing herself not to cry in self-pity. "I knew it would happen. I bet the tabloids love me right now."

Tommy interrupted the monologue she threatened to start, his grip on her hand intensifying, kissing their union.

"You shouldn't say that, Jude. You scared everyone... ME. I don't know what I would have done if..."

"If I would have died?" She finished the sentence he couldn't seem to. "I should have. Dead people are easy to forget."

"Jude..."

"It was all so much. I just couldn't take it anymore."

"I would have helped you." His face became sadder, his eyes lined in thick tears that wanted so desperately to run from their captor.

"You can't!" Her outburst stunned him, every emotion she was feeling cascading down on top of her in a torrent instant. To feel so broken, her thoughts came to her in crystalline waves. "I saw how you tried, and all I could do was... I feel like I've let you down so much. I never wanted you to see me like this and... I know it hurts you to know I did what I did. I guess the fucked up part is... I still want to. I still want to die."

"Is that why you did it? Because you thought you let me down? You haven't..."

She closed her eyes and squeezed them together tightly. She wondered how she could express her feelings without them getting jumbled in particulars or truths. She exhaled loudly, opening her eyes to stare down at him.

"I did. I've let everyone down. I tried so hard to be good, to be right, to be what was needed. And all of these things in my head... They scare me. They said that I would die; that you would die and... I didn't want you dead, Tommy. I had to protect you and I thought that dying would be my redemption. That I'd fight the good fucking fight and go out like a good girl." Jude broke down at her confession, the familiar emptiness and pain refilling her chest. "I just wanted to be good..."

"But you are." He snorted back his lines of tears, gulping down the anguish in his voice. "You mean everything to me. You're my life, girl."

"You shouldn't pin your life on me. I'll only fuck up again and I'll take you with me."

She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling bad for the sobbing man sitting next to her. It was hard swallowing, knowing she'd hurt him more than she'd ever wanted. She thought about her family, wondering if they were this tore up. She fleetingly thought of Kat and Jaime and how they took it. What about Georgia? EJ? Kwest? Were they this messed up over her failed attempt? In a flawed, but rationalized, act to make everything right, she'd hurt so many people. She felt so far from the good she hoped of being.

"I'm so sorry, Jude."

"It isn't your fault. I did this." She plastered on a crumbling façade, half-smiling in his direction. "When do I get to go home?"

Tommy quickly straightened up, quickly realizing that she didn't know of her predetermined institutionalization. He tried to smile, hoping it would ease the blow he was about to deliver.

"You're going into the hospital." She looked at him quizzically, him quickly adding in the bit about it being Brice, a mental hospital.

She sat in stunned silence. It's like when you're a kid and you're swinging really high and another kid dares you to jump because that's what the cool kids do, only to hit the ground and have not even the energy to breathe. She felt like someone had come at her from behind and pushed her out of her swing and all she could see was herself scattered amongst the dead leaves and wet sand. She let out a sharp, muffled cry.

"I'm being locked away."

Tommy leaned forward, tracing his fingers along her jaw and down over the scarlet welt that tarnished her skin. The picture of her in that gown, that bed, and hooked up to every machine she could be attached too would be forever engrained in his memory.

"It isn't like that." His words came to her as a plea, begging her to understand the unmentioned reasons why she was being locked up in that cage they called Brice. She couldn't handle his revelation, recalling the jokes and stories people would tell about the place. She felt a thousand things at once, every one muting her even further. "Jude, say something. Are you ok?"

"No!" She again began to cry, the world shifting positions and her shoulders shaking. "I'm pissed and I'm tired and I'm sore and I'm hurt and I really don't want to be here, but I did this. I did everything. And you're telling me that I'm going to be sent away. You can't let them do this to me! Take me from this wreck I've made... I know I know... I shouldn't ask but, please! Don't throw me out. Don't put me with those crazy people. I'm... I'm..."

His face contorted into a state of torment, taking into his reverie the mess of a girl who begged for him to do the one thing he'd always wanted to do. All he could manage for a shake of his head and a cracked voice.

"You need this, baby. The doctors said that you... had a nervous breakdown."

She couldn't help but weep at her misfortunes and fate. What began as a relatively simple life had become something she wanted to escape from. It'd led her no where but to a padded room and being doped up.

"You don't understand, Tommy."

"Tell me. Make me understand."

"You'll go away. Everyone will go away. I'll be alone." She choked on her nouns and verbs, stinging saline collecting in the back of her throat. "It hurts to be alone. More than being bad."

"You aren't bad, Jude, and I won't ever leave you. I promise. You just... you need to go."

She was at an impasse and a loss for words. In everything she did, he was there as her guiding light. A part of her feared it would turn into a bad plea – 'Say it Jude... Say it.' – while some part of her felt what he said was right, that he was really only looking out for her. She nodded almost undetectably, putting faith in what he said, not knowing if it'd turn out like everyone planned on it to. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, sealing their "pact".

"You better keep your word, Quincy or there will be hell to pay and my taxes are steep." She sheepishly smiled at him, even that a rarity in the days of late. "I love you, Tommy. Really."

He returned her smile, the wattage putting her at east for the first time in a long while.

"I love you too, Jude." He kissed her forehead again, looking down into the once completely lifeless aquamarine eyes of hers. "Really."

In just over a year, she went from top of the world to Hell. Things got so twisted so fast; the thoughts of death took her by the hands and led her into darkness. It was an injustice that would never make sense, but there were brief glimpses of hope coming into her view. Maybe there finally was going to be some good returning to her, returning to destroy the wall.


End file.
